SMS Jokes 23

Man1: mahilig ka ba sa mga babae na malalaki bubs?
Man2: hinde.
Man1: e yung mga babaeng mataba at malaki ang pwet?
Man2: lalong hindi.
Man1: baka naman mahilig ka sa mga panget na babae?
Man2: hindi ah.
Man1: e baket mo gi-ni-jerjer yung asawa ko?

* * * * *

Hirap nito! Daming text messages!
Napapagod na ako sa kababasa. Puede ba sasusunod magpadala naman kayo ng
Load
Bigas
Ulam
Pera

* * * * *

Isang GRO umuwi sa bahay at may naghihintay na 5 lalaki.
GRO: Uhmm… pagod ako, buong gabi akong nagtrabaho… kaya ang isa sa inyo dapat umuwi muna.

* * * * *

If men have PMS, what would happen?
1. The gov’t. would allocate funds to study it.
2. Cramps would become acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability.
3. There would be a regular holiday every 28 days.
4. All of the above.

* * * * *

Q: Why do men pay more than women for motor vehicle insurance?
A: Because women don’t get blowjobs while driving!

* * * * *

Breast milk is best for babies up to two yeas old.
Big breast is best for men up to ninety years old!

* * * * *

SIMPLE DISCRIMINATION:
….WHY IS IT THAT WHENA WOMAN GOT PREGNANTHER FRIENDS RUB HER BELLYAND SAY “CONGRATS!”,
…BUT NO ONE EVER LIFTA FINGER TO TOUCH THE MAN’S DICK TO SAY
“GOOD JOB BOY!!”
IS THIS NOT ONE FORM OFUNFAIR LABOR TREATMENT ?

NAGTATANONG LANG PO..

* * * * *

The best relation ever is between two eyes,

they blink together,
move together,
cry together,
see together,
sleep together,
STILL they never see each other directly,
BUT when they a see a girl one will blink and the other will not!

* * * * *

WANTED AD:
Bachelor with 200 hectars of agricultural land would like to meet lady with good farming tractor. Matrimony in mind. Pls send photo of tractor.

* * * * *

Scott never had sex in his life. A buddy takes him to a girl that would teach him a few things.

So, Scott’s in a room with d girl. She takes off her clothes, & says, “Do u know what I want?” Scott says, honestly, “No.”

She lies down & asks him the same question. Again, he answers, “No.”

Not sure what to do, she spreads her legs all the way; “spread-eagle.”
She asks, “Now do u know what I want?”

He answers, “Yeah. U want the whole bed to urself.”

* * * * *

A man was shopping at a department store when he saw an absolutely beautiful lady behind the sales counter. He went up to her and she smiled and asked what he liked.

Replied he, “What I like? I’d like to wrap my arms around you. Then run my hands up n down ur bottom n squeeze that. Then run my hands between ur inner thighs underneath ur dress. When I get to ur pussy, I’d like to rub that while unbuttoning ur blouse with my teeth. And then I’d like to suck ur tits n bite ur nipples lightly…

But what I came to buy is a new shirt.”

* * * * *

Man giving speech to deafs rubs chest, touches dick & starts masturbating.
When asked why, he said it means, “ladies & gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…”

* * * * *

Men discovered COLORS & invented PAINT, Women discovered PAINT & invented MAKEUP.

Men discovered the WORD & invented CONVERSATION,
Women discovered CONVERSATION & invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered GAMBLING & invented CARDS,
Women discovered CARDS & invented WITCHCRAFT.

Men discovered FRIENDSHIP & invented LOVE,
Women discovered LOVE & invented MARRIAGE.

Men discovered TRADING & invented MONEY,
Women discovered MONEY & invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter, Men have discovered and invented a lot of things…

While Women got STUCK to SHOPPING!

* * * * *

The latest Pulse Asia poll showed 43% of respondents would “surely not vote for” a presidential candidate endorsed by PGMA.
Asked if he’d seek PGMA’s endorsement, GIBO reportedly said, “Sino ‘yon?”

* * * * *

Old is when…
… a sexy body on TV catches your attention and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
… going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
… you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
… an ‘all-nighter’ means not getting up to pee.

* * * * *

Teacher: Name some films that have almost the same stories!
ERAP: Ay sisiw nang tanong mo, mam! Eh di bomba films po!

* * * * *

When you don’t knowwhether to love or hate,
when you are ina confused state,
don’t feel and don’t debate,
just sit alone and…
MASTURBATE…!

* * * * *

JUAN: p’re, lahat ng ayaw ng misis ko ginagawa ko.
PEDRO: Wow! Bilib ako sayo! Ang tapang mo, p’re!
JUAN: pag ayaw nia maglaba.. ako ang maglalaba.

* * * * *

Bagong pasok sa preso si Kulas…
KULAS: Cno ang naghahari- harian d2?
BRUTUS: Ako! Bakit?
KULAS: Gawin mo ‘kong reyna!

* * * * *

Definition of AMNESIA:
Condition that enablesa woman who hasgone through childdelivery labor to
have sex again! :)

* * * * *

MAKING LOVE…
WOMAN: The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
MAN: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

* * * * *

BABAE1: anu? naisine ka ng ng bf mo? dba sbi mo yagit na yagit yun?
BABAE2: nag-ipon daw sya ng mga natitirang barya sa bulsa nya para makapagsine kami.
BABAE1: nakakatouch naman sya!
BABAE2: hay naku… hindi lamg touch… dinilaan pa!

* * * * *

DOCTOR: Recently, I treated a man with fractured legs. One week later he jumped Six feet high.
DOUBTER: That was probably when he got your Bill

* * * * *

The Versatile “Fuck”

1. Surprise – “What the fuck are you doing here?”
2. Fraud – “I got fucked by a car dealer.”
3. Trouble – “I guess I’m fucked now.”
4. Aggression – “FUCK YOU!”
5. Disgust – “Fuck me.”
6. Confusion – “What the fuck…?”
7. Difficulty – “I don’t understand this fucking business!”
8. Lost – “Where the fuck are we!”
9. Denial – “I didn’t fucking do it.”
10. Apathy – “Who really gives a fuck?”
11. Suspicion – “Who the fuck are you?”

* * * * *

Q: What is the similarity of a car windshield wiper and a woman?
A: When they are wet, they do not squeak anymore!

* * * * *

Girl to a friend:

“I think you should stop making fun of my breasts. At least give me credit…
just think of how many women in the world can keep their feet dry while taking a shower!”

* * * * *

Man1: ano effect ng global financial crisis sa biznes mo?
Man2: tumaas ang sales!
Man1: ha? anu ba biznes mo?
Man2: gamot sa hypertension at sleeping pills!

* * * * *

LOVE: When u take a bubble bath together.
LUST: When u take a bath in Jell-o together.
MARRIAGE: When u give the kids a bath.

LOVE: Sex every night.
LUST: Sex 5 times a night.
MARRIAGE: What’ sex?

* * * * *

ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge