SMS Jokes 26

At MGM GRAND HOTEL
RECEPTIONIST: Excuse me Sir, wil u b staying here for a week?
AMERICAN: im afraid not!
RECEPTIONIST: How bout u sir?
PACQUIA0: im not afraid!

* * * * *

Garchi: Kahit na retired na me, mam, if u need my expertise, just call me b4 election proper.

GMA: No, thanks. Pampanga is my home teritory. No more FPJ to rival me.
Garchi: Mam, u r not sure of ur kabalens.
GMA: Ok copy. Texting lang tayo para walang makamonitor.

Garchi: Cge, mam. Gamit tayo codenames.

U, “Beauty”. :-*
Me, “Beast”. :@

* * * * *

WOMEN:
18-22: like Africa, half-discovered, half-wild, fertile & naturally beautiful
23-30: like Europe, well developed, open to trade for cash
31-35: like India, hot, relaxed
36-40: like France, gently aging, still a nice warm place to visit
41-50: like England, glorious & conquering past
51-60: like Israel, been through wars & doesn’t make same mistakes
61-up: like Tibet, only adventurous spirits visit
MEN:
1-90: like Iran, ruled by a prick

* * * * *

ang GIRL pag 1st time
ARAYYY!
pag 2nd time
DAHAN-DAHAN!
3time
SIGE PAHH!
4time
WAG MUNG TIGILAN!
5time
MAMAYA ULIT HA!
6time
GIDDYAP, HEYA GIDYAP…

* * * * *

QUOTATION OF THE DAY:

“I don’t think a leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, ‘As long as women are split like we are, men will remain on top.’”

A guy goes to buy a ticket to Pittsburg and the girl selling tickets has an incredible set of jugs.

Our man was so taken aback by what he saw, he blurted out, “Give me two pickets to Titsburg!”

* * * * *

One day, God found Adam sitting alone. “Where’s Eve?” he ask. “Well,” said Adam, “she’s bleeding. This happens every month.”

“So where is she?” God asks.
“She went down to the river to wash up.” replied Adam.

“Darn,” said God. “Now I’ll never get the smell out of the fish!”

* * * * **

An ATHEIST is also a human, he eats, drinks, hates, loves.. just like you and me!
But we differ big time in sex, because you and I can shout, “OH MY GOD!” in orgasm… HE CAN’T!

* * * * *

A woman just gave birth in a hospital. Doc tells her that the baby is in good health but is a Hemaphrodite.
“What’s that?” she asks.
Doc says, “Baby has the equipment of a man and also that of a woman.”
The woman turns pale, “OMG! You mean he has a penis and a brain..?”

* * * * *

There was a lady who got triplets Nat, Pat and Tat.
It was fun breeding but trouble feeding..
Cause she didn’t have a tit for Tat.

* * * * * *

SON: Ma, bilis! Si Dad at si Yaya naghahalikan.
MOM: Ano? Saan?
SON: Relax! Joke lang! Kinabahan ka noh? Akala mo totoo? Si Dad at ang Driver lang naman eh!

* * * * *

2 WOMEN IN A SPA…
MARE, bakit pina DYE mo pubic hair mo ng green?
Haay.. naku MARE, itong PARE mo mula nang naging VEGETARIAN, puro GREEN lang ang kinakain.

* * * *  * *

ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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