SMS Jokes 27

Private thoughts:
“Gaano man kaganda, Kabait, At Katalin0 ni Jinkee…Talo pa rin sya ng malanding tulad ko.” - Krista

* * * * *

A GOLFER’S DREAM
A woman kisses his balls every morning to make his putter rise.
Good Luck, Mr. Golfer! Fore-play na!

* * * * * *

A Filipino family Rcived d Coffin of their dead father sent by their aunt based in San Francisco USA wid a letter in d Coffin –

I am sending Dad’s body & w/ it d Gifts u had askd 4. Under hs body R 12 packs of Chocolates,10 packs of Gums & 8 packs of Almonds.

Dad s wearing a pair of Nike shoe 4 Chito & a Baseball hat 4 Peter. Dr R 2 Bags 4 Maira & Rachel in each arm. Father s wearing 6 Shirts & Socks 4 d kids & d 4 Jockey underwears he s wearing R 4 Jr. Harold’s ring is on d left hand & Ronald/Bernard’s watches on each arms. If dr s any thing I missed out,Pls let me know bcoz mother s also vry sick. Bye 4 now. Lots of luv… Ur Aunt Julie!!:-P

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A cat tried to get a sausage out of the river and got its paws wet. He then saw a bigger sausage. Trying to get it, he fell into the river.
Moral of the Story:
The bigger the Sausage is, the wetter the Pussy!

* * * * *

Chu, Bu & Fu were good Chinese friends. On their visit to the U.S…
Chu decided to call himself Chuck.
Bu decided to call himself Buck.
Fu decided to return to China!

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Pharmacist arrives at work to find a frightened-looking man against the wall. “What’s wrong with him?”the pharmacist asks his clerk. “He wanted cough syrup but I cudn’t find any, so I gav him laxative.”

“Laxative won’t cure a cough.” yells the pharmacist. “Sure they will. Look, he’s afraid to cough.”

* * * * *

BOY: Hi, Laura!
(sabay yakap at halik!)
Ang tagal nating di nagkita. Ang laki ng pinagbago mo.
GIRL: Di ako c Laura.
BOY: O, pati pangalan mo nagbago rin.

* * * * *

A pscychotherapist was not getting any patient. He soon found out why.
Under his name was the sign which reads…PSYCHO THE RAPIST!

* * * * * *

A Friend’s Prayer:
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be short to scratch it!

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Q: Why is PGMA’s government like a prostitute?
A: We’re always getting screwed and we have to pay for it!

* * * * *

A worried Mom gives her son condoms before a hot date. Son laughs, hugs her & says, “Mom, i don’t need that. I’m dating JAKE! Take it easy, CHUPAAN LANG TO!”

* * * * *

Wag mo naman BASTOSIN si PGMA!
Kahit ba
corrupt,
bitch,
pandak,
usngal ang ipin,
pangit at
may asawang baboy,
eh presidente pa rin
natin yan, kahit peke!

* * * * * *

Mabuti pa
ang mga
babae,
pwede silang
humiga-higa
lang sa
trabaho,
malaki na
ang kita!

* * * * *

Bellboy enter a guest room. Angry, the lady guest said, “Shouldn’t you knock before entering? What if I’m still undressed?”

“No need to worry about that ma’am. I always peep before entering!”

* * * * * *

ALL of the above SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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