SMS Jokes 28

This Christmas, may you be…
showered by men or be showered by men or be with men in showers.
Basta…many men and many showers!

* * * * *

It was X’mas n the judge was in a good mood as he asked the accused, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my X’mas shopping early, sir,” replies the accused.
“Well, that’s not a crime. How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” said the accused.

* * * * *

She takes off his pants and gently whispers ”Make me feel like a woman…”
He smiles, picks up his pants, hands them to her and says, “GO… WASH IT…”

* * * * * *

Girls are in a fix:
If they take pills, they get side effects..
If the don’t they get front effects!

* * * * * *

Swimmer: wag po sanang pulikatin paa ko para di mzphiya.
Bowler: wag po sanang pulikatin kamay ko para di mapahiya.
Lolo: lord, pulikatin sana ang AKIN para di mapahiya!

* * * * * *

Men are like cement…after getting LAID, they take a long time to get HARD!

* * * * * *

SIGN SEEN AT A RESTO:
The hands that clean these toilets also prepare the food you eat..
So please aim properly!

* * * * *

Bumili ng seethru glasses sa adult store si Mister. Nang pauwi, sinuot ang salamin at nakitang Hubo’t hubad ang mga tao. Pagpasok ng kwarto nila, nakita niya ang asawa at machong kapitbahay na parehong hubad. Pagtanggal ng salamin, hubot’hubad pa rin sila. Sabi ni Mister, “Pucha P4,000 ko pa binili ito, sira na agad!!!”

* * * * *

A man with love-making flair was lickin his sweetie ‘down there’. He said as some gas escaped from her ass, “Thank God for a breath of fresh air!”

* * *  * * *

A woman walks past 3 men in d office, all bemoaning that they’re about to be audited in d coming month. Says 1st guy,”I’m screwed!”
“I’m screwed, too!” says 2nd.”Guys, I am about to be fucked beyond recognition by this audit!” exclaims 3rd in anguish.
Then, one guy notices d woman who’s been there listening with a thoughtful look on her face.
“Are you OK?” he asks.
“Yes,”she says,”but I was wondering..
How do I go about getting audited?”

* * * * * *

Elderly woman passed a police van loading up girls from a brothel, and as she passed by, she asks one girl what lineup was for. Girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered.

Just then a cop approached the old gal and asks, “What are you doing here, m’am?”

The oldie pulled herself up to her full height of 4’4″ and replied, “Well, I can suck em can’t I?”

* * * * *

Husband and wife in bed. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: ‘Oh, that feels good.’
His hand moves to her breasts.

She: ‘Gee, honey, that feels wonderful.’
His hand move to her legs.

She: ‘Oh, honey, don’t stop.’
But he stops.

She: ‘Why did you stop?’
He: ‘I found the remote!’

* * * * *

ALL of the above SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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