SMS Jokes 29

Question: Bakit galit na galit si Krista Ranillo sa Simbahan?
Answer: Kasi laging sinasabi “LOVE OF MANNY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL”.

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MAM: Inday, c Mam mo ‘to! Nabangga ang kotse ko! I need cash!
INDAY: Aru! Aru!
MAM: Gaga! C Mam mo talaga ito. Teka bakit ka aru ng aru dyan?
INDAY: Kasi c Ser kinakagat ang dede ko! Aru!!

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WIFE: How have you managed to get home so early today?
Husband: My boss lost his temper with me and shouted”GO TO HELL!”

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One day, Superman was flying over Wonder Woman’s window, saw her naked with her sexy legs spread wide across. He couldn’t control himself and dived through her window right between her legs.
She gasped!
He said, “SURPRISED!”
She replied, “Not as much as INVISIBLE MAN!!!”

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PULIS1: Nagpadagdag pala ng boobs si Ma’am?!
PULIS2: Ay, oo! Ang tawag dyan..BUY BUST OPERATION!

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Man being interviewed for a job.
INTERVIEWER: wer u in the service?
APPLICANT: yes, i was a marine.
I: did u c active service?
A: i was in ‘Nam for 2 years & hav a partial disability.
I: may i know what happened?
A: a grenade went off between my legs & i lost both testicles.
I: u’r hired, report on monday at 10 am.
A: when does every1 else start? I dont want preferential treatment becoz of my disability.
I: evry1 starts at 7 but nothing gets done between 7 & 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.

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Newly weds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.
“Do you have reservations?” asked the desk clerk.
“Only one,” replied the groom, “she won’t take it up the ass.”

* * * * *

A cement mixer collided with a prison bus.
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for twenty hardened criminals.

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A little girl was asked what she wanted for X’mas & she replied, “a baby brother.”
“Honey, daddy & I wud like to giv u a baby brother,” said the Mom, “but there just isn’t time before X’mas.”
“Why don’t you do like they do at daddy’s factory when they want something in a hurry, put more men on d job.”

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Nagsumbong ang 1ng bata sa pulis, “mamang pulis, may lalaking ginulgupi sa kanto!” “Sige, pupuntahan ko,” sabi ng pulis.

Inabutan ng pulis na ginulpi ng dalawa ang isang lalaki. Nang sitahin nya ang dalawa, sumagot ang isa, “Nagpakahirap kaming mang holdap tapos dudukutan lang kami ng walanghiyang yan.”

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Etched on a bar in Minnesota:

“A marriage should be like a fishing license – it expires every year and if you go out of state you can get a 3 day license. If you think about it Girls and Fish have a lot in common. They are fun to catch and if you are clean amd prep them right most are good to eat. Also if you decide to mount one know it’s going to cost you plenty! If you bring one home they start going bad. Fresh ones are always better. Practice Catch and Release.”

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Q: What was the First Commadment?
A: “Adam, eat my pussy!”

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The most honest individuals are those who drink, coz they lose their social mask, no deceptions, no limits, no lies, and that isn’t weakness. What people can’t see is that because of Intoxication, they become pure…

KAYA MABUHAY ANG MGA LASENGER0… w0ho0o!

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Our generation had destroyed the Christian virtues…
CHARITYis now asweeptakes.
HOPEis now acigarette.
GRACEis now aG.R.O.
HEAVENis now amotel.
and the worst of all
TRUSTis now acondom.
What a generation!

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Kapag ang palda ng babae ay may hati sa likod, ang ibig niyang sabihin ay, “Halika, sundan mo ako!”

Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa gilid, “Halika tabihan mo ako.”

Kapag ang hati ng palda ay nasa harap, “Halika, pumasok ka!” ;-)

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Alam nyo ang cmple lang ng buhay ko…
Manigarilyo ng Marlboro…
Uminom ng GSM Blue…
Di uuwi sa bahay ng 1ng araw…
Mang gago sa ktxt…
Manlait sa mga tao at tsaka…
BIBLE STUDY!!!

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A man was thinking about getting married. He looked up the word “engaged” in the dictionary. It said, “To do battle with an enemy.”

Then he looked up forQUOTATION OF THE DAY:

“I don’t think a leading feminist realized what she was saying when she told a reporter, ‘As long as women are split like we are, the word “mother-in-law,” the entry for it was “see ‘engaged.’” men will remain on top.’”

* * * * *

She takes off his pants and gently whispers
Make me feel like a woman..
He smiles, picks up his pants, hands them to her and says, “GO… WASH IT…”

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TEACHER: if der wer 5 birds sitting on a fence & u shot 1 w/ur gun, hw many wud b left?
BOY: none bcoz d rest wud fly.
TEACHER: well, d answer is 4 bt i lyk d way ur thnkin.
BOY: i hv a qest’n 4u mam, der r 3 women in d ice cream parlor, one was licking her cone, d 2nd was biting her cone & d 3rd war sucking her cone. w/c 1 is married.
TEACHER: i gues d 1 suckin d cone.
BOY: no. d one w/d wedding ring on her finger but i lyk d way ur thinkn.

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ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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