SMS Jokes 31

“Pareho lang kaming MASAMA.
Ang pinagkaiba lang namin :
Sa akin, ugali..
Sa kanya, mukha!” -Anabelle Rama vs. Aling Dionisia-

* * * * *

What kind of Bees make honey?
Honey Bees!
What kind of Bees make Milk?
BOOBIES! 🙂

* * * * *

The 4 liquid stages of life s best illustrated by their containers.
Stage 1 baby bottle
Stage 2 soft drink bottle
Stage 3 beer bottle
Stage 4 dextrose bag

* * * * *

Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents’ House –
10. Sniff the air & say it smells like a brothel.
9. Repeatedly zip & unzip ur fly.
8. Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night & ask if u can use CR.
7. Mention that ‘Mr. Happy’ is primed & ready.
6. Ask what time u should return ur date tomorrow morning.
5. Recite a couple of bawdy limericks.
4. Ask the parents what position they were in when they conceived their daughter.
3. Scratch ur crotch & say ur herpes is acting up.
2. Pretend to eat ur arm.
1. Ask the dad if u cam borrow a couple of condoms.

* * * * *

Phone rings and the maid answers as her master was in the shower.
When the caller asked what is he doing, the maid replied,
“Master bathing!”

* * * * *
When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it’s called the Oscars.
When the best actors are chosen by the people, it’s called a Philippine election..

* * * * *

Ano ang tawag mo sa kabit ni pacman? . . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . .
PACBET.

* * * *
Q: What is the difference between a bomb and a condom?
A: In a bomb blast, population decrease, but in a condom blast, population increase..

* * * *

TEACHER: Sam, you talk a lot.
SAM: It’s a family tradition.
TEACHER: What do you mean?
SAM: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my dad is a teacher.
TEACHER: What about your mother?
SAM: She’s a woman.

* * * *

Scientists say bcoz of global warming they expect d world’s oceans to rise 5 ft. This can mean only 1 thing: Our problems are over cuz U know who’s going to drown!

* * * * *
LALAKI: Miss, pabili ng isang condom, ka2ntot lang ako.
TINDERA: Mister, ang bibig nyo ingatan nyo naman!
LALAKI: Ganun? O sige dalawahin mo na!

* * * **

“Hindi porke lagi ka umiinom ay tatawagin ka nang lasenggero,yung iba dun hindi yung lasa ng alak ang hanap kundi yung lasa ng kainuman.”Amen?

* * * * *
TODAY’S QUOTATION:
“If God didn’t want men to eat pussy…
He wouldn’t have made it look much like TACO!” 🙂

* * * * *

Interview with andal ampatuan…
Reporter: wat can u say about d peace and order n maguindanao? Andal: we kill dem peacefully and we bury dem orderly.

* * * * *
Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you, its only when she leaves you still a virgin!

Hehehe… kasalbahihan ‘to!

* * * * *
ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

One thought on “SMS Jokes 31

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.