Q and A

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN’S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It’s the same as a French kiss, but ‘down under.’

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don’t have any balls to scratch…

**BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Q: What is a man’s Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

**NOMINATED AS THE WORLD’S BEST SHORT JOKE
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
Mom’, he asked, ‘Are these my brains?’
Not yet,‘ she replied.

SMS Jokes 48

Fill in the blanks:
1.BOO_S?
2. _ _NDOM?
3.F_ _ K?
4.P_ N_S?
5.PU_S_?

Answers:
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE

May ù have a cleaner mind. Bastos!

* * * * *

JUAN: Father, nagnakaw po ako ng Nike at Rockford shoes…
PARI: Ssshh…
May size 8 ba?

* * * * *

Mga Signs Ur Pandesal & Other Bakery Products Have Shrunk:

1. Ur usual 15 minute breakfast is reduced to 5 minutes.
2. Brazo Mercedes is renamed ‘Daliri ni Mercedes.’
3. Ur small daugter boasts of a new learned stunt from her yaya: “ang paglunok ng 3 pirasong tinapay nang sabay-sabay.”
4. When U go to the bakery and say, “pabili nga po ng pandesal,” & the baker would reply, “Ilang tabletas?”

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Eye Protection

sunglasses Since I am not blessed with perfect vision, my eye doctor advised me not to forget to wear sunglasses or simply always get something that will protect my eyes from sunlight whenever I go out.

In this day and age, because of the huge choices of sunglasses styles, prices and features, sometimes the selection on which pair is the best for us is becoming the hardest part in buying the stuff.

Well, I have learned that there are three big things that we should look in a pair of sunglasses? First, the good eye protection, it must provide us protection from ultraviolet (UV) radiation. Second the comfort,. Third, the style. We must bear in mind that sunglasses do not have to be expensive to be effective.

Sabado Na Naman

Sabado na naman. Hindi pa ako nakakabangon ng bed pansin ko na ang komosyon ng dalawa kong bagets na labas-masok sa kwarto. Mukang magsisilayasan! Abah, may pasok ba?? Weekend a!

Si Kevin, whole day praktis daw ng Frisbee. Si Keziah naman, maghapon daw sya sa bahay ng classmate nya at may aasikasuhing school project daw.

Si ako, eto, home alone na naman! Hays…

Hokey! Isip-isip ko, kung ganun pwede akong kumuyakoy ng buong araw dito sa bahay,  sa kwarto ko. Teka, paano ko ba uumpisahan ng papetiks ang araw na ‘to. Siempre, lalafang!

Wiz ko na trip magluto tutal mag-isa lang naman ako.

Ginalugad saglit ang ref.

Dyaraan!

DSCF4320-1

Salpak lang saglit sa microwave at eto na ang power breakfast ko for today:

  • 1. Tira-tirang litson na manok.
  • 2. Nilagang okra.
  • 3. Isang piraso na kamatis na pinigaan ng isang pirasong kalamansi.
  • 4. Tatlong slices ng yupi-yuping raisin bread.
  • 5. Isang baso ng criminal water – unleaded.

Habang nagbi-breakfast in bed, naka-tiempo na rin ako magbasa ng mga back issues ng magazines nagkaka-molds na ang pages dahil sa hindi maasikaso (as if naman lagi akong bz. Lol!).

DSCF4327

Multi-tasking ang lola nyo, habang nagbabasa ng magazines, pasilip-silip din sa internet at nag go-gugel. Kaya nyo yun?

DSCF4328

Ilang sandali pa, dumidighay na ako.

DSCF4331

Wag na kayo magtaka pa kung bakit balingkinitan ang katawan ng mga pusa namin dito sa bahay. Gutom inaabot nila sa amin dahil wala masyadong natitira sa mga kinakain namin. Haha!

Happy weekend everyone!

Double Vision Specs

So many books, so little time to read. Gosh! The Amazon books are screaming with good deals  lately!

Well, unless I have a new pair of specs then perhaps I will really get myself back to reading pleasure again.

Yes, I badly need new reading eyeglasses. My astigmatism is just getting worse and in fact I just had my vision checked and this time, the doctor insisted that I wear double vision eyeglasses.

Family Euro Trip

If you are planning a family trip to Europe and decided to introduce to your teenage children the richest art and historical treasures of the world, be reminded that the most crowded and the hottest time in Europe is July and August. Price-wise, this is high season, thus expensive.

However, if this is the only time you can travel, don’t just spend your whole trip in big cities, which may be uncomfortably hot but spend some of your vacation in the countryside also. Although you can travel around Europe by train, but if you want to explore the countryside and the villages, you need to rent a car or perhaps why not rent a motorhome for a change?

In Owning A Car

In owning a car, one of the most important insurance policies that you need is car insurance and it is not a joking matter.

Car insurance policy is mandatory for you to have while driving. Why is it necessary? Well, having car insurance can give you a feeling of safeness while out on the road.

You can avail car insurance that offers great coverage for very affordable monthly premiums. What you just need to do is a bit of research on different insurance quotes so that you can find the best deal.

SMS Jokes 47

Lola:  Amang, wala akong pera!
Holdaper:  Alam ko kung asan ang pera mo…[sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni Lola]
Lola:  Ituloy mo iho, may dollars pa sa ibaba!!

* * * * * *
Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: ‘300 pesos for 5 words.’
She said: ‘Pwede ba 2 words lang? ‘Tanoy dead”
Ad taker: ‘No mam. 5 words is the minimum.’
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: ‘Ok, para sulit, ilagay
mo,
‘TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ‘

* * * * *

Boy: Nay may ulam ba?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!

* * * * *

Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;
At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;
At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;
At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.

* * * * *

Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?
Tindero: One way.
Kano: Meg-kanow?
Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
Kano: Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!

* * * * *

Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!
Loi: San ang balitang yan?
Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; ‘British tourist lost 2000 pounds.’

* * * * * *

Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard…

Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind,
highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?

Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko nalang ang
mag-apply?

* * * * * *

Junior: Nay, bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE.
Nanay: Hindi high cake, anak. HOT CAKE yun.
Junior: Ok ‘nay, watever. Pahingi nalang ng barya.
Nanay: Sige, kumuha ka nalang dyan sa SOLDIER BAG ko.

* * * * *

Pasyente … Doc, may problema ako…tuwing alas otso ng umaga
dumudumi ako…
Doktor … so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente … Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.

* * * * *

A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
‘I’M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.’
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people…a pig
bumped by a trailer truck!

* * *  * * *

Erap … Honey, nagpintura ako ng banyo.
Loi … Bakit dalawa ang suot mong jacket, ang init, init !!!
Erap … Sabi kasi sa label, for best results put on 2 coats.

*  * * * *

iWish Na Lang

Lekat na yan! Hindi pa nga ako makapag-getober sa pangarap kong magkaroon ng sariling Epol laptop computer at ni hindi pa nga ako nagkaka-tsans na makahipo ng Epol iPhone at iTouch…eh may inilabas na naman si Manong Steve Jobs na bagong produkto ng Epol.

Parang matutuyuan na yata ako sa matinding paglalaway ko a!

iLike this….iWant this….iWish this….

apple_ipadiPad

Pero iPoor ako kaya tiyaga  na lang muna ako dito…
my_padmyPad

iLOL!

* * * * *

Quote of the Day:

“You can’t just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they’ll want something new. ” – Steve Jobs

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