SMS Jokes 35

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IBARRA: Maria Clara, ang iyong kagandahan at hinhin ay walang katulad.
MARIA CLARA: Ulul!

SMS courtesy of Pryss

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Lalake: Pag tayo na, magkasama na nating haharapin ang mga problema.
Babae: Pero wala naman akong problema..
Lalake: Kasi nga, hindi pa tayo. Wag ka excited!!

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Mr: Hon, buksan mo ang pinto!
Mrs: Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot.
Mr. (tumawa) ok lang. Wala akong kasama.
Mrs: Ako, meron!

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Erap was brought to court for drunken driving. Just before the hearing there was a commotion in the courtroom. The judge pounded the gavel on his bench and shouted, “Order! Order!” Erap replied, “Thank you, your honor! I’ll have a Johnnie Walker Blue!”

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Men do get PMS too:
Pre-Middle aged Syndrome
Post Macho Syndrome
Penis Malfunction Syndrome

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A time comes n ur life wen ur WIFE begins to trust u. But it doesnt mean u hve become a saint. It simply means u hve lost ur hunting abilities & is now HARMLESS.

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HE: I already have a nickname for you.
SHE: And what is that?
HE: MasterCard.
SHE: MasterCard?
HE: Yes, MasterCard! I plan on mastering your possibilities and taking you to the limit!!

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Mikey Arroyo says his mother besides running for Congress will go teaching after 2010. Her subjects include:

1. Advance Graft and Corruption.
2. Successful Election Fraud.
3. Economics of Impeachment, and
4. Effective Ways of Lying.

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What Men Know:
Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect men to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that a woman will get pissed off when they do, for reasons not clear to them.
Men know that PMS is Nature’s way of telling them to get out of the house.
Men know that Mother Nature’s best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.

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Beauty is too see and to touch.
Flowers are to smell and to pluck.
Nipples are to play and to suck.
Women are to love and to fuck.
All these are free but
all depends on LUCK!

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Obama & Bill Clinton in C.R. Bill saw d big, long dick of Obama. Bill askd Barack his secret.
Barack sed dat before he goes to bed, he whips hs dick against d bedpost 3x.
Night came, Hillary was half asleep wen Bill came in & whippd hs dick against d bedpost 3x. Hillary sleepily ask, “Barack, is dat u?”

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Mrs: Kung alam ko lang di sana ako nagpakasal sa iyo! ABS ka!
Mr: Anong ABS?
Mrs: Alak, Babae, Sugal!!
Mr: Eh ikaw CBN!
Mrs: CBN?
Mr: Chismosa, Bungangera, Nagger!.

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May dalawang lalaki sabay nag jogging:
Guy 1: Pre, doctor ako. Kaya ako tumatakbo kasi HEALTH conscious ako! Ikaw pre?
Guy 2: Snatcher pre! WEALTH conscious ako.

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Pasahero: Mama, dahan-dahan lang po. Alalahanin nyo na palaging nakasunod sa atin ang disgrasya!
Drayber: E, kaya ko nga binibilisan para di tayo abutan!

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M’AM: Inday, sa susunod, ayokong pinakikialaman mo ang condom namin ng Sir mo!
INDAY: M’am, hwag kayong magbibintang! Di kami sanay ni Sir gumamit niyan! Sobra kayo!

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REST OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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