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- Boyfriend to Girlfriend, may LQ: What do you take me for?! Granted?
- Guard, answering the telephone: Hello?… Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.
- Starlet in an interview: If the odds are against me, then I will against them.
- Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother’s burial: Inday: Kumusta ang libing ng nanay mo? Starlet: Successful naman po.
- Army officer to cadet: “Do you know why I ask you to stand?” ”No, sir.” “Ok, why?” (anlabo!)
- Teacher to students: Baka gusto nyong ibilad ko kayo sa covered courts.
Teacher: Class, I want you to watch sex scenes.
Class: What?! Teacher!
Teacher: What’s wrong? It’s a beautiful film starring Bros Welles!
Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!
- Sa isang examination: Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper? Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang pad paper lang eh.
- A reporter interviews a politician about the Philippine economy. Politician says: Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon. Pero slow by slow, we will success.
- Teacher: Sorry, class. I’m late. My mother died three years ago. And now she’s dead. (Ano daw?!)
- Heard in a fastfood chain: Yaya: Ma’m, gusto po ni Mark ng KIDNEY MEAL!
- Teacher: What is ur name? Student: Dell. Teacher: What is ur old? (maybe she meant how old are you?)
- In a restaurant: Waiter: Sir, How do you want your egg? Customer: Side in, side out.
- Mom interviews her daughter’s suitor: Mom: What’s your course? Suitor: Geo po (for geology). Mom: Ahhh… Geo-rnalism. Ok yan. (ok nga!)
- Guy to Girl: I love you. This is not a ball. (“Hindi ito bola” in English)
- Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!
- Teacher to students: Okay class, it’s time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.
- Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and your mother, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!
- Emcee, in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I!
- Teacher: Oy, magdala kayo ng chip ahoy a. Student: Miss may “s” yon… Teacher: A, sorry. Chip ahoys!
- Two lousy-in-english friends talking to each other: Friend 1: Am I raining outside? Friend 2: Not yet. Sprinkle only.
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