SMS Jokes 39

A guy was eatIng a girl out wen he stopped for a sec and moaned: “Geez, dis pussy’s big! Geez, dis pussy’s big!” ” I know,” she said, “but y did u say it twice?” He said,”I didnt.”

SMS Joke courtesy of KUPS

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BAGONG KASAL
BOY:Tay, pano ko malalaman kung virgin pa asawa ko?
TATAY: duduguin sya anak, may lalabas na kulay pula.
GIRL:Nay,pano ko itatago sa asawa ko na di na ko virgin?
NANAY:bumili ka ng food coloring anak, ibuhos mo sa kama.
(Girl, nagkamali ng kulay na nabiling food coloring)
BOY:tay!tay!,bat ganon? Kulay green ang lumabas?.
TATAY: naloko na! tinamaan mo apdo nya anak.

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Nag-apply sa trabaho si Juan. “Ano ba ang work nais mong hawakan?” tanong boss. “Iyon pong may pagka-exec, halimbawa, bise-presidente,” sagot ni Juan.
BOSS: E 12 na ang aming mga bise-presidente!
JUAN: Hindi po bale! Hindi naman ako naniniwala sa pamahiin!

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because of love, we learn to sacrifice,
because of love, we learn to be satisfied,
because of love, we learn to trust
pero matindi because of love?

ayun daming di na virgin..

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Excerpts From Erap Campaign Speech..

“I Thank You All For Coming Here From The Bottom Of My Heart And Also From My Wife’s Bottom…”

inglis pa kasi nang inglis

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New students were being brief on university rules.

“The female dorms are off-limits to all male students,” the dean of students said. “Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined P100 for 1st offense, P500 for 2nd, P1,000 for 3rd. Any questions?”

“How much for a season’s pass?” asks a student.

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Word of Caution:
Do not blow your top…
if you’re wearing a toupee or a wig…

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DERMATOLOGY 69:
1. Research shows that when women make love, they produce double amounts of the hormone estrogen which make the skin smooth and the hair shiny.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores amd makes your skin glow.

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A couple was sitting under a plum tree when suddenly a plum fell into the gal’s shirt. The guy offered to get it out and she agreed.

The guy put his hand into her shirt and said, “I got 3 plums but I don’t know which is the real one.”

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A lesbian at her gynecologist for a pelvic examination. As he was examining her she hears him saying, “mmmm.. mmhmmmm, you have the cleanest pussy I that ever seen.” She smiles and replies, “Why thank you! I have a woman who comes in twice a week & cleans it!”

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When George W. Bush was sworn in as U.S. President, he seized the opportunity to have a family picture taken. All were there, his wife, his daughters, his parents, his siblings, their spouses and children. Once everyone is organized, the photographer turns to his lighting man and remarks, “This picture has more Bush than a Penthouse magazine!”

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A couple went to London for their honeymoon. As they were checking out of the hotel where they stayed for 2 days, the hotel paid them £2,000. The couple were surprised, tried to surmise the reason, then decided to try and stay at the other hotel beside the first. Again, as they checked out 2 days later, they were paid £4,000. Thinking the first hotel cheated them, they went back to it and asked the manager why. Manager replied, “Sir, we make DVDs only but our competitor show it live!”

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i asked a nursing home why there are six (6) old ladies lying totally naked on d garden lawn?
“yes” she said
“they are retired prostitutes having a garage sale”

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After the telephone was installed in her home, the woman called the phone company.
“My telephone cord is too long,” she said, “would you please pull it a little bit from your end?”

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Titser sends note to mother: Ur son is a bright boy but spends to much time thinking  about girls.
Mother replies back: if yoù find a solution, pls advise me. I have the same problem with his Dad. Ü

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Question: Why don’t men know the meaning of fear?
Answer: They only know one four-letter word beginning with ‘F.’

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WIFE – Why did you break the glass?
HUSBAND – I did not break the glass.
WIFE – When I threw the glass why did you move your head?

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Billionaire Virgin Air boss, Sir Richard Branson has offered
to sponsor a cricket team reeling after a string of defeats. The team politely refused the generous offer. As a team official snapped, “We can’t have VIRGIN written on our team shirts while we’re getting screwed in every match!”

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**The rest of the above SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE


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