SMS Jokes 40

Humarap sa salamin ang isang bungi….tinitigan ang sarili den he sed: left view…Tom Clus; right view..Blad Pitt; front view….insert coin! Mwiset!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

* * * * *

Feed the hungry.
Forgive the sinner.
Visit the imprisoned.
Pray for a loved one.
But never clothe the naked till you’re done.

SMS  Joke courtesy of  Grashiela

* * * * *

FLIGHT STEWARDESS:
Ilang sandali po lamang at tayo ay lalapag na sa bundok na walang paliparan. In this case of emergency, please don’t panic! Ladies and Gentlemen, parachutes will be provided at the crash site and breakfast will be served to all survivors! Maraming salamat po! Sa Ngalan ng Phil. Air Lines, ng Ama, Ng Anak, at Na Espirito Santo… AMEN!!!

* * * * *

Reporter: Madam Auring, ano po ang inyong fearless forecast in nxt year’s elections?
Madam Auring: D nxt Pres. & VP of d Phil. wl b both males!
Reporter:Talaga? Bakit nyo nasabi yan?
Madam Auring: Kasi, nasa year yan! Basahin mo, TWO-O-TEN, db lalaki lang meron nyan! Kaya parehong Lalaki ang mananalo! (Ganun ba un?)

* * * * *

paano kung 1 araw…
may kumakatok
sa pinto nyo

nanginginig

tapos
ng buksan
mo,
niyakap ka ng mahigpit
sabay bulong
sau…

“padumi!”

* * * * *

GIRL1: My last bf said he fantasizes about having two girls at once.
GIRL2: Yeah, most men do. What did you tell him?
GIRL1: I said, “if you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off two?’

* * * * *

How many animals can fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Now, think about it…
Ready?
10 Little Piggies..
2 Calves..
1 Ass..
1 Beaver..
An unknown number of Hares..
And A Fish no one can find!

* * * * *

Prayer of A Girl:
“Oh, Blessed Mother Mary, you did conceive without sinning…
teach me to sin without conceiving…”

* * * * *
A gynecologist wants a change of pace so she decides to become a mechanic. After 2 weeks training, each student in her class is required to take apart an engine and put it back together again.

The gyne got a grade of 150% that a fellow student complains. The teacher replies, “Well, she took it apart right, so there’s 50, she put it back together right, so another 50. But she got an extra 50 for doing it thru the muffler!”

* * * * *

A unique survey asked 1,000 women to what things men can be compared with. Here are the top 10:

1. Bargain sale clothes – because they’re always 50% off.
2. Roller coasters – they excite you, but only for a little while.
3. Advertisements – it’s hard to believe a word they say.
4. Boxes – they look so big but inside they’re empty.
5. Treasury bonds – they take so long to mature.
6. ATM machines – there’s a limit to how much you can get out of them.
7. Bananas – they become less firm as they get older.
8. Weather – they are so unpredictable.
9. Parking space – why are the good ones always taken first?
And lastly…
10. Holidays – they never seem to be long enough.

* * * * * *

Q & A
Q: What should you do if you meet a nympho?
A: Thank your lucky stars, and start believing in God.

Q: What’s the main advantage women have over men when it comes to sex?
A: They’re multi-orgasmic!

Q: What’s the difference between social and sexual intercourse?
A: One’s all talk, the other’s all action!

* * * * *
TRIVIA:
Camouflage condoms were invented so they won’t see you coming!
The art of erotic paper folding is callf ORIGASMI.

* * * * *
You know it’s
going to be
a bad day
when…

You put your
bra on backwards
and see it fits better…

* * * * * *

The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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