SMS Jokes 41

Pedro: Alam mo Perla……
Perla: Ano yun?
Pedro: Your eyes are really attractive.
Perla: Talaga?
Pedro: Oo….they attract each other!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

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GURO: Jun, bakit mo laging nilalawayan ang ulo mo tuwing may klase tayo?

JUN: Narinig ko kc sinabi ni inay kay itay na basain ng laway ang ulo pg ayaw pumasok.

SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela

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GIB0 : Madam president ang baba ko sa Pulse Asia at SWS survey. Ano gawin ko pag natalo eh kahiyaan ito?
GMA : Wag kang magaalala madali yan, may paraan.
GIBO : Paano?
GMA : Palitan mo ang pangalan mo ng BIGO.

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Curious kid asks old man: What book r u reading?
Old man: history book!
Kid: but that’s a sex book.
Old man: well.. son, at my age “IT IS HISTORY!

* * * * *

QUOTATION OF THE DAY:

“They call our language the mother tongue because
the father seldom gets to speak.” 🙂

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There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists, proctologists. Any place you got a hole, there’s a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole.

And if the ear doc, nose doc, throat doc, gyne, or proctologist can’t help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!

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What is a cat?
Cats do what they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They are totally unpredictable.
When you want to play, they want to be alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They are moody.
They leave hair everywhere.
They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
CONCLUSION: They are tiny women in fur coats!

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ULTIMATE THOUGHT:
If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one spouse is…
SPICE!

* * * * *

A newly ordained priest was conducting his first funeral. Solemnly pointing to the body in the coffin, he intoned, “What we have here is only a shell. The nut is already gone..!”

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MANNY VILLAR CAMPAIGN SONG:

nkaligo k n b s dagat ng KUBETA..
nkpag-CHONGKE knb s gitna ng kalsada.
yan ang tanong namin
tunay kabang isa sa amin…
nlaman mo na bang mpapagRUGBY ka nya.
tutulungan tayo para maging SINDIKATO
at ang kanyang plano ay MAGNAKAW tayo.
Si villar ang tunay na walang gilagid
si villar ang may kakayahang gumawa ng sariling SUGALAN,
si manny villar ang MAGHAHAKOT ng ating KAYAMANAN..

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NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES:

Due to cost escalation and increased competition, Management has deemed it necessary to change your employment terms.

It will now be compulsory to do something called WORK in between coffee breaks, smoking breaks, lunch breaks, toilet breaks, etc.

Management intends to call this the WORK BREAK.

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The Matino street inside UP Village was renamed SANTIAGO in honor of Senator Miriam Santiago. In case you look for it, just ask ‘Santiago un dating Matino.’

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Rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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