SMS Jokes 45

After talking on d fone for abt half an hour, a teenage girl suddenly hang up.
Father: “Wow! That was short. U usually talk for 2 hours. What happened?”
Girl: “Wrong number.”

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

* * * * *

A director testing Sly Stallone n Arnie Schwarzenegger for a film aboutt classical composers:
Director: “Who do u fancy playing, Sly?”
Sly: “I want to be Mozart.” Director: “How bout u Arnie?”
Arnie: “I’ll be Bach.”

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

* * * * *
Aanhin mo pa ang pagiging artista…
Kung ang kasama mo sa kissing scene ay si Aling Dionisia?

* * * * *
Election sa Pinas Noon at Ngayon:
Noon: Ang sigaw ng mga tao, “Pumili tayo ng karapat dapat sa bayan!”
Ngayon: Ganito sigaw ng mga tao, “Election na naman, pipili na naman tayo ng mga bagong magnanakaw!” ;-(

* * * * *
Erap’s Family Planning policy if elected President…
“Don’t have more than two
children in one year.”

* * * * *
A woman with hairy armpit boards a crowded bus. Unable to find a seat, she hangs onto a pole.
A drunk next to her stares at her for 3 minutes, then tells her, “I love a woman that does aerobics.”
The woman replies angrily, “I don’t do aerobics!”
The drunk then looks at the woman asking, “Then how did you get your legs up so high?”

* * * * *
A pastor wants 2 know d future of his son thru an experiment.

He put 4 objects on d boy’s bed:
BIBLE,
MONEY,
WINE &
PLAYBOY magazine.

He thought: If dboy picks d BIBLE, He will be a Pastor;
If MONEY, a Businessman;
If WINE, a Drunkard;
If PLAYBOY magazine, a Chickboy.

The boy came & saw the 4 objects.
He picked d bible & placed it under his arm;
Picked d money & put it in his pocket;
Got d wine, & started sipping it while admiring d PLAYBOY centerfold.

D pastor shook his head in dismay & said:
“Lord have mercy!
My son will be a politician!”

* * * * *
A sign at a pathologist’s office:
“It might be piss and shit
for you, but for us it is
our bread and butter!”

* * * * *
A Toilet is like a committee meeting.
People come with lots of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately DROP THE MATTER!!

* * * * *
PGMA’s government is like a tree full of monkeys. Some are climbing up, some going down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys at the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes!

* * * * *

In a divorce court..
JUDGE: So the date of conception was around December 8?
DEFENDANT: Yes, sir.
JUDGE: And what where you doing at the time?
DEFENDANT: Uh… Uhm… I was getting laid, your honor.

* * * * *

A boy came home after his biology clap and went to his parents room. His parents were doing…
so the boy asks them, “Is this how you transfer your pollen grains?”

* * * * *

TEACHER: How is mother’ milk more beneficial than cow’s milk?
STUDENT: Hmmmmm… Maam, mother’s milk comes in more attractive containers!

* * * * *

Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of priests, the resto’s owner waited for the clerics’ reaction.

“Quick, man,” he asked the waiter, “what did they say?”

“Nothing,” replied the waiter, “they were all busy slipping the seeds into their pockets.”

* * * * *

A cub reporter for a small town paper out on his first assignment submitted the following report: “Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She suffered lacerations on her breasts…”

The Editor scolded the reporter, “This is a family paper. We don’t use words like breasts here. Write something more decent!”

The cub reporter rewrote his report as follows, “Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She suffered lacerations on her ( . ) ( . ) …”

* * * * *

A shy woman didn’t like the usual euphemisms for ‘having sex’, so she asks her husband for a better one. He thought of ‘doing the laundry’ which she likes.

An hour later, he said, “Hon, let’s do the laundry!”

“Not yet, dear, I’m busy…”

Later, she comes in, “Okay, sweetie, I’m ready to do the laundry now…”

“Sorry, dear, it was a small load, so I did it by hand!”

* * * * *

WARNING:

If your wife
or girlfriend
likes to crochet,
don’t refer
to her as a
HAPPY HOOKER!!! 😀

* * * * *

The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.