SMS Jokes 47

Lola:  Amang, wala akong pera!
Holdaper:  Alam ko kung asan ang pera mo…[sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni Lola]
Lola:  Ituloy mo iho, may dollars pa sa ibaba!!

* * * * * *
Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: ‘300 pesos for 5 words.’
She said: ‘Pwede ba 2 words lang? ‘Tanoy dead”
Ad taker: ‘No mam. 5 words is the minimum.’
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: ‘Ok, para sulit, ilagay
mo,
‘TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ‘

* * * * *

Boy: Nay may ulam ba?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!

* * * * *

Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;
At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;
At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;
At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.

* * * * *

Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?
Tindero: One way.
Kano: Meg-kanow?
Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
Kano: Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!

* * * * *

Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!
Loi: San ang balitang yan?
Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; ‘British tourist lost 2000 pounds.’

* * * * * *

Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard…

Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind,
highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?

Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko nalang ang
mag-apply?

* * * * * *

Junior: Nay, bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE.
Nanay: Hindi high cake, anak. HOT CAKE yun.
Junior: Ok ‘nay, watever. Pahingi nalang ng barya.
Nanay: Sige, kumuha ka nalang dyan sa SOLDIER BAG ko.

* * * * *

Pasyente … Doc, may problema ako…tuwing alas otso ng umaga
dumudumi ako…
Doktor … so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente … Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.

* * * * *

A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
‘I’M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.’
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people…a pig
bumped by a trailer truck!

* * *  * * *

Erap … Honey, nagpintura ako ng banyo.
Loi … Bakit dalawa ang suot mong jacket, ang init, init !!!
Erap … Sabi kasi sa label, for best results put on 2 coats.

*  * * * *

iWish Na Lang

Lekat na yan! Hindi pa nga ako makapag-getober sa pangarap kong magkaroon ng sariling Epol laptop computer at ni hindi pa nga ako nagkaka-tsans na makahipo ng Epol iPhone at iTouch…eh may inilabas na naman si Manong Steve Jobs na bagong produkto ng Epol.

Parang matutuyuan na yata ako sa matinding paglalaway ko a!

iLike this….iWant this….iWish this….

apple_ipadiPad

Pero iPoor ako kaya tiyaga  na lang muna ako dito…
my_padmyPad

iLOL!

* * * * *

Quote of the Day:

“You can’t just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they’ll want something new. ” – Steve Jobs

* * * * *

SMS Jokes 46

pedro: “pare kelan ba birthday mo?!”
juan: “april 19..”
pedro: “anong taon?!”
juan: “taon-taon Alangan namang sometimes?! hay naku..

SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela

*  * * * *

Bakit ang ta0 pag ipinangAnak,
madalas ulo unang LumaLabas?
Sagot:kasi ang tao pag ginagawa,ulo rin unang  pinapasok..
FIRST IN,FIRST OUT P0LICY ang tawag dun!!

SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela

* * * * *

A stranger asked a 7 year old girl: “What do you know about love?”

D ‘lil girl replied:  “Love is whEn a boy takes me to the park, buys me an ice cream, tells me that i’m the prettiest girl in the park and when he sees the ice cream melting tru my fingers, he would gently lick it, look me in the eye.Kiss me, put his tongue in, play with mine, move his hands towards my chest, kisses my neck, while his hands move all the way down to my….

Stranger: Tama na!  baka san pa mapunta to. Leche ka! dami mong alam!!!

SMS joke courtesy of 9062726549

* * * * *

Question: What’s the speed limit of sex?
Answer: 68, at 69 you have to turn around!

Continue reading