SMS Jokes 46

pedro: “pare kelan ba birthday mo?!”
juan: “april 19..”
pedro: “anong taon?!”
juan: “taon-taon Alangan namang sometimes?! hay naku..

SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela

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Bakit ang ta0 pag ipinangAnak,
madalas ulo unang LumaLabas?
Sagot:kasi ang tao pag ginagawa,ulo rin unang  pinapasok..
FIRST IN,FIRST OUT P0LICY ang tawag dun!!

SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela

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A stranger asked a 7 year old girl: “What do you know about love?”

D ‘lil girl replied:  “Love is whEn a boy takes me to the park, buys me an ice cream, tells me that i’m the prettiest girl in the park and when he sees the ice cream melting tru my fingers, he would gently lick it, look me in the eye.Kiss me, put his tongue in, play with mine, move his hands towards my chest, kisses my neck, while his hands move all the way down to my….

Stranger: Tama na!  baka san pa mapunta to. Leche ka! dami mong alam!!!

SMS joke courtesy of 9062726549

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Question: What’s the speed limit of sex?
Answer: 68, at 69 you have to turn around!

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In the confessional:
MAN: Father, I confess I slept with the priest from the church across the street.
PRIEST: Very well, my son, 5 Hail Marys… but remember next time that THIS is your parish and I am your priest!

* * * * *
Two idiots were hunting in the woods when they lost their way. Stanley had read that when lost, you fire three times in the air and help will come. So he did. Nothing happened. An hour later he fired three more times. After another hour his friend told him to try a third time.
“Okay,” said Stanley, “but we’re almost out of arrows.”

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Tatlong Batanguena bagong salta sa Maynila. Naiisipan nilang magsimba. Sa simbahan..
Pari: sino nagpako kay Kristo sa krus?
B1: mukhang satin nakatingin yung pari ah!
Pari: (inulit) sino nagpako kay Kristo sa krus?
B2: oo nga, satin nga nakatingin.
Pari: (inulit uli) sino nagpako kay Kristo sa krus?
B3: (di nakatiis) ala eh, pagdating namin, nakapako na yan!

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Imelda Marcos is making a political comeback. She filed her COC for Congress woman of Ilocos Norte’s 2nd district.
Her campaign slogan:

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Do you know that SEX can determine your age?

Just do a simple math… How many TIMES would you like to have Sex in 1 WEEK?

Multiply by 2 plus 5 x 50 plus 1758; then subtract your birth year… the result’s LAST TWO DIGITS is your AGE.

Tama ba?

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A man walking saw a lady who has a baby with patches on his eyes. He asked her what happened to him. She said that the baby was born without eyelids and he just had surgery. They took off some skin from his penis to make eyelids. So he asked her how she was doing. She said he was a little cockeyed..!

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Recent research showed that cigarette smoking not only impairs sexual ability, it also causes shrinkage of the male organ. Perhaps the warning on cigarette packs should be updated to reflect this. Here are some suggestions:

Warning: These cigarettes are king-sized… how about yours?
Warning: Smoking may lead to ridicule on your honeymoon!
Warning: Don’t throw lit cigarettes in the urinal… you might not have the range to put them out!
Warning: Smoke rises, but yours may not!
Warning: Second hand smoke harms children… that is, if you’re capable of impregnating a girl!

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After his annual physical, the sexually active bachelor was
waiting in the doctor’s office for the results.
“Well,” said the doctor, “I have good news and bad news for you.”
“The way I feel, please give me the good news first,” replied the bachelor.
“The good news,” announced the doctor, “is that your penis has grown an additional 4 inches since your last exam.”

“Great!” the man shouted, “What is the bad news?”

“It’s malignant,” replied the doctor

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The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

3 thoughts on “SMS Jokes 46

  1. hahhahhahhha… i tried the math equation … sheeeeetttttt bakit tama? paano bah nangyari? tapos pinalitan ko ulit kung ilang beses… ganun pa rin… wehhhhhhhhhhhhh

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