SMS Jokes 47

Lola:  Amang, wala akong pera!
Holdaper:  Alam ko kung asan ang pera mo…[sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni Lola]
Lola:  Ituloy mo iho, may dollars pa sa ibaba!!

* * * * * *
Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: ‘300 pesos for 5 words.’
She said: ‘Pwede ba 2 words lang? ‘Tanoy dead”
Ad taker: ‘No mam. 5 words is the minimum.’
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: ‘Ok, para sulit, ilagay
mo,
‘TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ‘

* * * * *

Boy: Nay may ulam ba?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!

* * * * *

Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;
At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;
At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;
At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.

* * * * *

Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?
Tindero: One way.
Kano: Meg-kanow?
Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
Kano: Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!

* * * * *

Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!
Loi: San ang balitang yan?
Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; ‘British tourist lost 2000 pounds.’

* * * * * *

Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard…

Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind,
highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?

Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko nalang ang
mag-apply?

* * * * * *

Junior: Nay, bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE.
Nanay: Hindi high cake, anak. HOT CAKE yun.
Junior: Ok ‘nay, watever. Pahingi nalang ng barya.
Nanay: Sige, kumuha ka nalang dyan sa SOLDIER BAG ko.

* * * * *

Pasyente … Doc, may problema ako…tuwing alas otso ng umaga
dumudumi ako…
Doktor … so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente … Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.

* * * * *

A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
‘I’M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.’
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people…a pig
bumped by a trailer truck!

* * *  * * *

Erap … Honey, nagpintura ako ng banyo.
Loi … Bakit dalawa ang suot mong jacket, ang init, init !!!
Erap … Sabi kasi sa label, for best results put on 2 coats.

*  * * * *

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