Archive for 15 January, 2010

SMS Jokes 40

Humarap sa salamin ang isang bungi….tinitigan ang sarili den he sed: left view…Tom Clus; right view..Blad Pitt; front view….insert coin! Mwiset!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

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Feed the hungry.
Forgive the sinner.
Visit the imprisoned.
Pray for a loved one.
But never clothe the naked till you’re done.

SMS  Joke courtesy of  Grashiela

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FLIGHT STEWARDESS:
Ilang sandali po lamang at tayo ay lalapag na sa bundok na walang paliparan. In this case of emergency, please don’t panic! Ladies and Gentlemen, parachutes will be provided at the crash site and breakfast will be served to all survivors! Maraming salamat po! Sa Ngalan ng Phil. Air Lines, ng Ama, Ng Anak, at Na Espirito Santo… AMEN!!!

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Simply Lucky On Acne

Just like any normal girl in high school, I have trouble with acne in my younger years. However, thanks heaven that my spots were not so bad that it is unbearable or unsightly. The occasional appearance of my acne when I was a teenager is not that serious for me to the extent of considering taking the best acne pill. Here’s a piece of advice to all young girls out there, if your skin starts to look bad because of acne, then it is important to see a dermatologist. Don’t ever try any medication without a prescription.

Mga Bagay Na Gustong Sabihin Sa BOSS Pero Hindi Pwede:

Galing Gmail ko…

1. Ano!? Yan lang di niyo pa kayang gawin at iuutos nyo pa sa akin?

2. Hellooo! Gawin niyo na yan noh! Para naman huwag nyong makalimutan kung paano mag-isip.

3. Sir, makinig kaya kayo sa akin!?Pwede?

4. Puwede ba, busy ako? Mamaya na po yan.

5. Gumawa kayo ng sarili niyong presentation!

6. If challenges are more important than financial rewards, then why don’t you just trade in your salary for mychallenges?

7. Pwede pong paki-decide kung alin sa 10 inutos nyo sakin ngayon ang talagang urgent?

8. Absent po ako today. Wala lang, ayaw ko po kayong makita eh…

9. Pwede bang mag-all expense paid na vacation? Sige na naman, pagod na pagod na po ako eh.

10. Sir, bili niyo naman akong yosi. Sige na! Sa inyo na lang po yung sukli.

11. Uwi na po ako ha. Bahala na kayo dito sa opis…

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Usap 005 (with an EX)

Pagdating sa usapang boypren-gerlpren na relasyon…maipagmamalaki kong kahit papaano ay nakukuha ko pa rin makipag-prendship sa mga naging EX-boypren ko hanggang ngayon. (take note: “mga”…plural ha, plural! Aym soo yavangs!)

Hindi ko naman nilalahat pero nananatili kaming civil ni EX sa isa’t isa at ang sarap talaga sa pakiramdam na nakakapag-emote pa rin ako ng  saloobin ko lalo na pag kinakabog ng tadhana ang relationship ko with my current boyfriend.

Days ago, I had a dispute with my KUPS (my bf) that lasted for more than 2 weeks. Ang maysala? AKO! Yun din ang mga araw na pakiramdam ko eh ang sama-sama kong tao.

Gusto kong i-umpog noon ang ulo ko sa dingding namin kaso nag-alala ako at baka mag-crack lang at hindi kayanin ng wall namin ang katigasan ng ulo ko. (as of this writing, lablablab na ulit kami ng Kups ko).

Eto ang excerpt ng pag uusap namin ni EX noon:

M A R U : uy may tanong ako
M A R U: siguro naman..kahit papano eh sasagutin mo tanong ko with all honesty
EX: oo naman
EX: ano tanong
M A R U : sensya na ha…medyo senti
M A R U : pero how i am as a person?
M A R U : how i was as a gf?
M A R U : hey! kahit negative sabihin mo ok lang sa akin ha
EX: as a person talagang ok ka marunong ka magdala ng tao masaya kang kausap
M A R U : how about sa ugali?
M A R U : sensya na ha. pero siguro naman mas makakasagot ka ng deretso kung ikaw ang tatanungin ko kesa iba
EX: as a gf maganda rin kasi marunong kang magdala, ang naging problema natin nuon parang nasakal ako dahil hindi ko maibigay yung time na gusto mo
EX: at lagi tayo nag-aaway nuon na i-stress ako
EX: isa pa e ayaw mo nung nirerendahan ka
EX: pero syempre alang perpektong tao

Aktwali, gusto ko lang mag-solicit kay EX ng mga magagandang salita tungkol sa akin dahil nagbakasakali akong mai-angat ko ang lumalawlaw kong self-esteem kaya ganun ang tanong ko sa kanya.

Siempre, bukod dun gusto ko rin papaniwalain ang sarili ko na hindi naman ako ganun ka-demonyita kay Kups as his GF. Sino ba naman ang may gusto na maging pasaway at makapanakit ng boypren noh? I admit I’m such a bitch — sometimes!

Shhh! Sa totoo lang trip ko ang maging certified bitch talaga. Nabasa ko kasi yung book ni Sherry Argov’s: Why Men Marry Bitches. Malay natin at maisipan ni Kups na i-marry-marry ako someday dahil sa bitchiness ko. O divah!Lols!

Well, my relationship with Kups is not exactly one of those  matches made in heaven — but it has some good possibilites.

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Ang Kumain Ay Hindi Biro

Isa sa mga nami-miss kong gawin sa biyaheng-Europe namin ng mga kapatid ko (with some friends) last November 2009…

….pwera sa maglublob sa bed dahil sa sobrang lamig ng weder….

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…ay ang LUMAMON!

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I gained 5 pounds nung nakauwi ng Pilipinas. Eh kasi naman, hindi biro ang kain ko dun! Ang sarap kasi kumain dala na rin siguro sa lamig ng klima.

Day before we left Switzerland, nasa bahay lang kami lahat. Nagpahinga at nag impake lang ng mga gamit.

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Since last day na nga namin, we decided to have RACKLETTE. Dapat sa dinner namin yun pero 8pm ang departure flight namin kaya noong lunch time na kami nag-racklette.

“A racklette is used to prepare food,especially at dinner parties. It’s an electrical appliance, which has some tiny “plates” in which you can heat any food you like. You place it at the center of the table and each person can decide what they would like to eat from the table and just serve themselves.”

Kanya-kanya kaming luto.

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Kanya-kanyang abang. Kanya-kanyang tulo ng laway. Lol!

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Help yourself, ika nga.

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May nagluto  ng mushrooms.

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Sausages.

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Bacon, Potatoes with melted cheese.

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My plate. Kokonti lang ba food ko? Kunyari lang yan.

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Sabi ko nga, kung ganito siguro kakainin ko araw-araw…malamang mag mukha na akong cute(?) na oink-oink at mahaba na ang 2 weeks para hindi ako isugod sa ospital dahil sa hayblad.

Nagbabawas ako ngayon ng timbang ko. Isa sa mga New Year’s resolution ko ang alisin ang 3rd eye at sixth sense ko pagdating sa kainan. So help me God.

 

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SMS Jokes 39

A guy was eatIng a girl out wen he stopped for a sec and moaned: “Geez, dis pussy’s big! Geez, dis pussy’s big!” ” I know,” she said, “but y did u say it twice?” He said,”I didnt.”

SMS Joke courtesy of KUPS

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BAGONG KASAL
BOY:Tay, pano ko malalaman kung virgin pa asawa ko?
TATAY: duduguin sya anak, may lalabas na kulay pula.
GIRL:Nay,pano ko itatago sa asawa ko na di na ko virgin?
NANAY:bumili ka ng food coloring anak, ibuhos mo sa kama.
(Girl, nagkamali ng kulay na nabiling food coloring)
BOY:tay!tay!,bat ganon? Kulay green ang lumabas?.
TATAY: naloko na! tinamaan mo apdo nya anak.

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Nag-apply sa trabaho si Juan. “Ano ba ang work nais mong hawakan?” tanong boss. “Iyon pong may pagka-exec, halimbawa, bise-presidente,” sagot ni Juan.
BOSS: E 12 na ang aming mga bise-presidente!
JUAN: Hindi po bale! Hindi naman ako naniniwala sa pamahiin!

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Ang Kabayo

Oo na! Alam ko Year of the Tiger ngayon. Eweno naman ngayon? Keber ko naman! Basta ako…Year of the Horse ako. Kaya pala sabi ng ex ko, magaling daw akong mangabayo. Joke!

Pero mas Ok na yun, kesa naman sabihan ‘tong lola nyo na mukhang kabayo. Waaaa!

Imperness, compatible daw kami ng mga pipol na isinilang sa Year of the Tiger. Pero mas na-excite akong nalaman na kabagang ko rin daw ang Year of the Dog. Si Kups ko kasi…year of the dog din. Hmmn…does it follow kaya na magaling din sya sa dog-sty… ? Ay wag na nga lang.  Ang halay isipin!

Natutuwa akong basahin ‘tong mga traits ng mga isinilang sa Year of the Horse kasi medyo may bahid ng katotohanan tungkol sa sarili at pag uugali ko.

Year of the Horse ka rin ba? If yes….

Basa!

1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002

HorsePeople born in the Year of the Horse are popular. They are cheerful, skillful with money, and perceptive, although they sometimes talk too much.

They are wise, talented, good with their hands, and sometimes have a weakness for members of the opposite sex. They are impatient and hot-blooded about everything except their daily work.

They are very independent and rarely listen to advice. Horses crave love and intimacy, which is a double-edged sword since it often leads them to feel trapped.

Love connections tend to come easily to Horses, since they exude the kind of raw sex appeal that is a magnet to others. This Sign tends to come on very strong in the beginning of the relationship, having an almost innate sense of romance and seduction. Horses are seducers in general.

This Sign possesses a sharp wit and a scintillating presence; it really knows how to work a crowd. Horses tend not to look much at the big picture; instead they just follow their whims, which can result in a trail of prematurely ended relationships, jobs, projects and so on.

This Sign really knows how to motivate others, though, and get a lot accomplished. Once they find some peace within themselves, they can curb their wandering tendencies and learn to appreciate what’s in their own backyard.

They are most compatible with Tigers, Dogs, and Sheep.

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Oral Sex

Nagbago na ako.

Hindi na ako nagpupunta sa mga porn sites. Lol!

Kaya naman sa mga ganitong larawan na lang ako tumitingin at nai-enhance pa imagination ko. :P

 oral sex

Hays…eh kasi naman, mahigit kalahating taon pa hihintayin ko bago umuwi si Kups ko. Saklap talaga buhay ni Mamaru. Lol!

Buti pa ang sepilyo…may totpeyst! :(

On Learning To Do Better

EMPTY ROAD, Geneva, Switzerland

I walk down the street. There is a hole.
I don’t see it.
I fall in.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it’s still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It’s a habit.
I get out quicker this time.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don’t fall in.

I walk down a different street.

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Usap 004

Pansinin nyo ang petsa sa usapan na ‘to…sobrang tagal na, 2005 pa! Napaghalatang ang tagal ko ng chatter.

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Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:17:59 PM): do you agree to this?
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:18:07 PM): may nabasa ako recently
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:18:12 PM): sa isang chain mail

intrepid_maruja (11/3/2005 10:18:13 PM): na ano?

Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:18:16 PM): ang sabi
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:18:30 PM):
marry a person whom you can easily talk and laugh with

intrepid_maruja (11/3/2005 10:18:36 PM): hmmn…

Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:18:41 PM): kasi when all things are said and done
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:18:48 PM): and you get old
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:18:55 PM): thats all that matters
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:19:03 PM): someone to laugh and talk with

intrepid_maruja (11/3/2005 10:19:07 PM): well said!
intrepid_maruja (11/3/2005 10:19:14 PM): i agree

Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:19:19 PM): gud
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:19:31 PM): hindi talk to ha, talk WITH
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:19:39 PM): see
Daniel Joaquin (11/3/2005 10:19:52 PM): may natututunan din ako sa mga chain letters hehehe!

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Dami ko bang sinabi sa pag-uusap na ‘to? Haha!

The truth is, I encountered that same chain mail mentioned above some time ago. The words, the thoughts are truly worth to ponder. Also, in all relationship, when troubles comes as sometimes they do, I agree to what Jay Leno said, “You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh – it’s as simple as that.”