BREAKING NEWS: Latest survey results show Noynoy still no. 1, followed by James, Baby James, Josh & Boy Abünda as the top 5 men most obedient to Kris Aquino! 
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Gordon-Fernando team for all ladies nationwide.
Why? Kasi may Dick na, may BF pa!
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BOY: kandila ka ba?
GIRL: hindi, bakit?
BOY: kasi ang ganda mo sa madilim, kaya sa dilim ka na lang!
GIRL: ikaw? kandila ka ba?
BOY: hindi, bakit?
GIRL: hipan sana kita para mamatay ka na!
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Gandhi listed 7 things that may destroy man:
1. Wealth w/out work.
2. Pleasure w/out conscience.
3. Knowledge w/out character.
4. Religion w/out sacrifice.
5. Politics w/out principle.
6. Science w/out humanity.
7. Business w/out ethics.
8. Penis w/out erection…oooppss, 7 lang pala, sorry.
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In Heaven..
Man: – Lord, is homo sexuality against ur design 4d human race?
God: – Yes my child, always remember, I created ADAM & EVE, not ADAM & STEVE!
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WORDS OF WISDOM…
God was cruel in creating man.
He gave us a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to use one at a time.
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What’s so great about being a dick?
1. You’ve got a head with no brains.
2. Two nuts follow you around all day.
3. Your neighbor is an asshole.
4. Your best friend is a cunt.
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A man answers the door after he hears a knock. It’s his next door neighbor holding a notebook.
“Want to participate in an orgy?” he asked.
“Who is going to be there?” the man replies.
“Well, it’s you, me, and your wife.”
“I don’t think so!”
“OK, then, we’ll take you off the list.”
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A guy runs into his ex-gf with whom he didn’t have the best relationship. “You know I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you.”
“Why, because you miss me?”
“No, because it keeps me from cumming too fast.”
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“Class, today’s assignment is to spell and
use the word ‘DOUGH’ in a sentence.”
“Jane, you go first…”
“Dough, D O U G H,
Italians make pizza with dough.”
Very good, Jane… now let’s hear from Mary.
“Dough, D O U G H,
My brother makes things with play dough.”
“Yes, Johnny, do you have something to add?”
“My mom says my dad doesn’t make enough dough, & he’s so bad in bed she uses a
dill dough.” 
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At the Senate circus..
Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano averred that some members of the majority party had bugdget insertions of their own. Sen. Mar Roxas retorted, “No! I had no insertion no any matter. In fact I have no insertion, period!” Reacting to this, Sen. Nene Pimentel said, “Well, I am sure that after your marriage, you had some insertions.” No wonder Koring is not moody these days!
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bata kumakanta habang nanunungkit ng malaking santol..
“mahal kita, mahal kita, hindi ‘to bola”
sagot ng kapreng nasa itaas ng puno..
“itlog ko yan, itlog ko yan, hindi yan bunga!”
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There is this priest who announces one Sunday to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new church building. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”
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A woman married a man who has only one leg. The next day, she wrote her mother, “my husband got one foot.”
Her mother replied, “that’s wonderful! Your father has only five inches!”
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The story is told about a PRIEST who accompanied a CONVICT to the ELECTRIC CHAIR. What was he to say to console a convict about to die? GOODBYE? TAKE CARE? SEE YOU LATER? All these seemed inappropriate and the PRIEST became desperate for the right words to say. Finally, as the CONVICT got to the Electric Chair, the PRIEST patted the man on the head and said, “MORE POWER TO YOU!”
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Men Will Never Win..
If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you’re a pervert.
If you don’t, you are gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
If you don’t, you are unromantic.
If you want it too often, you are over-sexed.
If you don’t, there must be someone else.
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A girl overheard talking to her boyfriend, “Don’t get tense and worried… when I told you that I was going to be a mother, I only meant yours. Next month, I am going to marry your Dad!”
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A CLASSIC:
HE: I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it.
SHE: You wear pants don’t you? 
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ALl above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike
LOL!!
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