An old man was standing outside a shop wid a colleection box reading: “Pls help my dailysex.” His wife came up to him and said: “Pete, u’ve misspelled dyslexia again!”
SMS Jokes courtesy of KUPS
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Bakit ba sa L0VE daming motto?
like Love is blind
Love is all that matters
age doesn’t matter
kaw ano motto mo about love?
basta motto ko,
“if you Love someone, SEX them FREE
SMS joke courtesy of Grashiela
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Pumunta si Gorio sa Starbax…
Gorio: Isang kape nga!
Waiter: Sir, decaf po ba?
Gorio (galit): Aba syempre, alangan naman de plato!
SMS joke courtesy of Grashiela
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Jane met Tarzan and was attracted to him. She asked him what he did for sex. He said, “Oh, I use a hole in a tree’s trunk.” Horrified, she said that Tarzan got it all wrong. She showed him how by going naked, lying on the ground and spreading her legs. “Here,” she said, “put it in here.”
Tarzan removed his loincloth and gave her a kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony and she asked why he did that. “Checking for bees,” he said.
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A Sunday morning priest said: “Next Sunday I’ll talk about the sin of
lying. To know more read Mark Chapter 17.”
Next Sunday priest asked: “How many of you read Mark, Chapter 17?”
Only GMA raised her hand. Priest smiles & say: “Mark has only 16 chapters. Let’s proceed on my sermon on the sins of lying!”
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Manager took bets that his guy can fuck 100 women in a row w/o pausing & satisfy ‘em all. Bets r made. So 100 women were lined up & d guy starts. He moves from 1 to next satisfying each w/o pausing 1..2..3 On & on he goes 49..50..51. He slows down a bit 83..84.. but keeps going & d women r satisfied, 97..98..99.. before he gets to d last 1, he had a heart attack & dies. Puzzled, manager says, “It went perfectly well during practice this morning..”
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Never reject any girls in your life!
Because, a good girl gives you happiness..
And
Bad girls gives you experience! ü
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Q & A
Q: What do you call a man who cries while masturbating?
A: A tearjerker.
Q: What’s the difference between Medium and Rare?
A: 6 inches is Medium, 8 inches is Rare.
Q: How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
A: You wake up in the morning with a face like glazed donut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Q: What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
A: Everyone knows that hookers thrive on HARD times.
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A husband was perusing a sex manual and his wife asked him why. He replied that he was tired of being in the same old rut.
‘But I don’t understand,’ she protested, ‘I thought we had a very good sex life.’
‘Well,’ replied the husband, ‘let me put it to ya another way!’
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Ladies, you’ve all been there. You know how the scene goes. After sex, Macho Man lies back on the pillow with his hands clasped behind his head and asks, “How was that, Baby?”
Don’t you just WISH you could say, “Hot, juicy, noisy, tender, raunchy, gentle, frantic, slow, terrific, erotic, spicy, potent, carnal, passionate, wanton, bawdy, lustful, sensual, hot-blooded,
horny, amorous, soft, fulfilling and satisfying?” 
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At a cocktail party, an ob-gyne’s wife noticed another woman making overtures to her husband. She tried to laugh them off till she saw them disappear into a bedroom. At once, she rushed into the room, pulled them apart and screamed,
“Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t INSTALL them!!”
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Men’s Drinks & Meanings:
Local Beer – he’s poor & wants to get laid.
Imported Beer – he likes good beer & wants to get laid.
Wine – he’s hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey – he doesn’t give two shits about anything but getting laid.
Tequila – piss off, you wankers, I’m gonna go shag something.
White Zinfadel – He’s gay!
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After the 9/11 incident, a US Navy SEAL was asked if there was room for forgiveness for the terrorists. His answer was, “I believe that forgiving them is GOD’s prerogative. Our job is to arrange their meeting with GOD!”
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Sa Mga Feeling…
madaling sabihin Maganda o Guwapo ka,
pero mahirap i-justify kung san banda!
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IMMIGRATION OFFICER: What’s your nationality? Chinese, Filipino, Mexican?
FIL: Mex sir.
OFFICER: You don’t look Mexican.
FIL: I am Chinese-Filpino, so I’m Mex.
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A farmer at a drugstore..
FARMER: I want me one of them condoms with pesticides on it.
CLERK: You must mean, sir, the condoms with SPERMICIDE not pesticide.
FARMER: No, no, I want me t thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it!
CLERK: Sir, Pesticide is for killing insects, Spermicide is for killing sperms. I’m sure you mean spermicide.
FARMER: Listen here, I want condoms with pesticide. My wife’s got bugs up her ass, and I aim to kill them!
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Senate Majority Leader Nene Pimentel has apologized for a sexist joke during last Monday’s heated Senate debate on the C-5 extension controversy. Nene admitted that it was wrong to crack a joke on Korina’s CRACK!!! 
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The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
