What is “shock?”
Shock is when a guy is having sex with his pregnant wife and little hands grab his penis and said, “Daddy! Huyi ka!”
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Tips Sa Pagpasok Sa Motel:
1. Itanong sa roomboy kung may hidden camera ang mga rooms. Kung wala, ok, safe ka.
2. Pagpasok mo sa room wala ka nang kaba, kaya ma eenjoy mo bed nila.
3. But to be sure takpan mo ang mukha mo para sure na di ka makuhanan.
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It hurts so much to be rejected by someone u really love, to be left alone by someone u really care for…..pero alam mo ba kung ano ang pinakamasakit? Yun bang bihis na bihis ka na tapos di ka naman pala kasama! 
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“Kung ang buhay daw ay ngsimulang mali, marami pang kamaliang susunod. Subalit kung dahil sa kamalian ay dun naman liligaya, sino nga bang makakapigil sa tao upang laktawan ang mga bagay na itinakalang tama? Kung ang mali sa lipunan ay wasto sa kaibuturan ng puso, ano’t cno ang dapat sundin? Ang kaligayahan ay nilikha ng sarili at di ng mga taong nakapaligid. Ang tao’y mahilig lang pumuna ngunit nagbibigay ba sila ng ikakaligaya?” - pilosopiya ng isang kabit
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Kasabihan:
”Wag mong ipagtulakan ang mga taong nagmamahal sa iyo, dahil…baka MATUMBA. Yun lng.”
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BABY LAMOK: Mummy, pwede po ako manood ng concert? Plzzzzz…? Plzzz…?
MOMMY LAMOK: Ok, pwede anak. Pero… ingat ka sa palakpak ha?!
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A man enters an eye specialist’s clinic.
Man: Doc, I’ve come for a checkup.
Doc: I know you need a new pair of glasses.
Man: How did you know that without testing?
Doc: That’s because you entered this room through the window!
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Always give 100% in making love…
12% conversation (the ohhss and ahhs)
23% kissing
20% licking
40% pushing (up and down)
5% for making punas!ü
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So, you want to kiss your girl and several questions might come to mind:
Is it the right time?
Is anyone watching?
Does your partner even want to?
Is your breath fresh?
And…
Should you use some tongue?
Then you lean in and go for it!ü
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HUSBAND: If somebody calls, say Im not home.
Ring…
WIFE: Hello, my husband is still home.
HUSBAND: Didnt I tell u that..
WIFE: Relax, this call is not for u. 
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A flat-chested woman tries buying a size 28AAA bra. Marching up to a sales clerk at the lingerie section of an upscale department store, she unbuttoned her blouse, threw it open, and asks, “Do you have anything for this?”
The saleslady looked closely at her and replies, “Have you tried Clearasil?”
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Guy comes home dead tired from work and collapses in bed. He’s just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says, “What would you do if I told you that you have a beautiful, sexy, horny woman lying next to you?”
He replied, “Don’t worry, honey, I’d stay faithful!”
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Police investigator arrived at the scene of the accident to find a car struck a telephone pole. He asked a pale, tense man in work clothes who claimed he is a witness, “Sir, where were u at the time of this accident?”
“Sir,” exclaimed the witness, “I am a telephone lineman. I was at the top of the pole!”
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JEEPNEY SIGNS:
A commuter is a jeepsetter.
Pull string to stop driver.
God knows Hudas not pay.
Don’t get close to me, get close to God.
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Words of Wisdom:
Population explosion is a mounting problem..
The more you MOUNT, the MORE the EXPLOSION! ü
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Words of Wisdom?
Love thy neighbor…
But don’t get caught!
Save water…
Shower with your girlfriend or house maid!
Love is photogenic…
It needs darkness to develop!
Children in backseats cause accidents…
Accidents in backseats cause children!
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There are 10 very important men in a woman’s life..
Her Doctor who says, ‘take off your clothes.’
Her Dentist who says, ‘open wide.’
Her Vet who says, ‘and how is ur little pussy doing today?’
Her Gardener who says, ‘do you want me to mulch ur bush?’
Her Hairdresser who says, ‘do you want it teased or blown?’
Her Interior Decorator who says, ‘You’l like it when it’s in.’
Her Hunter who goes deep into the bush, shoots several times, and always eats what he shoots.
Her Remodeler who says, ‘it fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering.’
Her Milkman who asks, ‘do you want it in front or in the back?’
Her Banker who says, ‘if you take it out soon, you’l loose interest.’
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“I know what Victoria’s Secret is!
The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.”
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2 girls met a drunk guy with a kilt on. 1st girls sez, “I heard they dont wear any undies under it. Go check!” So 2nd girl does & sure enough the guy isnt wearing anything. 1st girl takes a red ribbon out of her hair & sez, giggling, “Go put this on his dick” & 2nd girl ties it on.
The next morning the guy comes to & saw hìs dick. “Wow!” he sez, “I dont know what I did last night, but I must’ve been good… I won first place!”
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ALL of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
