M A R U I S M

Some say dat as women grow older, dey begin to live a PIOUS life. Andyan ung PIOUS ng eyes, PIOUS ng lips, PIOUS ng boobs, PIOUS ng nose……puro PIOUS ng PIOUS!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

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Apatan – foursome;
tatluhan – threesome;
dalawahan -twosome;
e kung mag-isa lng?
E di “hand” some!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

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Sa pagdaan ko sa daan ng buhay, alam ko na hindi ako matitisod sa mga lubak na aking tatahakin. Dahil sa isang katulad mo na minamahal ko ng lubos, alam kong di mo hahayaang matisod ako dahil sasabihin mo sa kin na, “May hump, may hump, may hump, may hump, may hump. Check it out!

SMS Joke courtesy of Kups

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d0n’t ever believe that LAUGHING..
has always been the best medicine.

‘coz as far as i know..
ang baliw kahit anung tawa hindi gumagaling…

SMS joke courtesy of Grashiela

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DISADVANTAGES ng COMMITTED sa Araw ng Puso:
FLOWERS: P700
CHOCOLATES: P800, alangan namang Choconut ang ibigay mo
DINNER: P5,000 medyo sosyal
SINE: P600 pati snacks
REGALO: At least P2,000
SOGO: P400, 3 hours, understood na yun!

At higit sa lahat, P100,000 s LABOR & DELIVERY pagkatapos ng araw na yun!

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Bakit nga ba vertical ang hati ng vagina?
Dapat lang noh?
Kasi kung horizontal sasara ito pagbukas ng legs!
O, in-imagine mo pa!

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NANAY: Anak, anong gusto mo maging paglaki mo?
ANAK: Gusto ko, Nay, maging gago!
NANAY: Ha? Bakit naman?
ANAK: Kasi, palaging sinasabi ni Tatay:
“Ang ganda ng asawa ng GAGO, ang bago ng kotse ng GAGO, nanalo sa lotto ang GAGO!”

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2 girls were naked and talking.
Girl1: Why don’t you have hair on ur pussy?
Girl2: have u ever seen grass growing oo a busy road..?

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A famous sex theraphist was on radio fielding questions from listeners, when a caller asks, “Say, Doc, why do men always want to marry a virgin?” to which the theraphist replies, “to avoid criticism!”

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IDIOTS’ GUIDE TO SEX
1. Intercourse doesn’t happen on a highway.
2. If you engage in oral sex first, it’s not called a head start.
3. You can lie down during a one-night stand.
4. If she says she’s into bondage, don’t show her your bond investment portfolio.

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Please VOTE for our women partylist..
Kilusang Ipagtatangol ang Kababaihang Inapi.
Simply write KIKI in your ballot. Thanks for your supporter!

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BOY: babe, tara laro tayo.
GIRL: tanda na natin eh anu bang laro ang sinasabi mo dyan??
BOY: rape-reipan.

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LAWYER: u r here as a witness abt d quarrel btwin ur neighbor & his wife. Wer u present @ d start of d trouble?
WITNESS: Yes.I was a witness @ their wedding.

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Police chased overspeeding car..
POLICE: listen Mister! i’ve had a really lousy day & i just wanna go home. Give me a good excuse & i’ll let you go.
MAN: Weeks ago, my wife ran away with a police officer. When i saw your car in my rear view mirror, i thought u were giving her back to me!!

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Men’s Ages:
1. Between the ages of 18 and 32… Tri-weekly.
2. Between the ages 32 amd 50… Try, weekly.
3. Over 50… Try, weakly!

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Happiness isn’t about riches nor success.
It’s that moment when you imagine that you are sitting in a throne like a KING/QUEEN..
pagbutihan mo ang pagdumi!ü

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Wife asked hubby to take their son out for the day.

He took to him to the zoo first. On the way there, they saw a plane taking off, the boy asked what it was, the Dad replied, “that’s a take off.”

When they got to the zoo, they saw a zebra, the boy asked his dad what it was, the Dad said it was a zebra.

After the zoo, they went to a park where they saw a lady with a baby in a pram, the boy asked his Dad what it was. Dad replied, “That’s a baby.”

When they got home, mum asked the son what he learned while he was out. The boy said, “take off ze bra, baby!”

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Husband’s Creed- supposed to be:
When wife commands- Obey
When wife travels- Accompany
When wife is wrong- Disregard
When wife spends- Accept
When wife has b-day- Remember
When wife loses temper- Endure
When wife wants intimacy- Provide.
When wife becomes ureasonable-
Recall “supposed to be”.

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A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black & blue.
DOCTOR: “What happened?”
WOMAN: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunkhe beats me to a pulp….!”
DOCTOR: “I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea &start gargling with it. Just gargle & gargle”.
2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor & looks reborn & fresh again.
WOMAN: “Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea & he never touched me.
DOCTOR: “You see how keeping YOUR MOUTH SHUT helps?”

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The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike