In a gay beauty contest, question and answer portion. Juror: Bukod sa pagmumukha mo, ano pang problema mong halimaw ka?(Npkhonest ng juror…tulala ang jokla!)
SMS Joke courtesy of Kups
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DALAWANG LASING ANG SABAY UMIHI:
Lasing 1: Pare, sobra ang tigas ng TiTi ko, uuwi na ako at yayariin ko muna si Misis.
Lasing 2: Sasama ako sau?
Lasing 1: Baket?
Lasing 2: Eh sa akin ang yang hawak m0ng TiTi eh!
SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela
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Rejected Entries to Valentine’s Day Card Writing Contest:
“Our love will never become cold & hollow, unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.”
“I bought this Valentine’s card in the hope that later you’d be my whore.”
‘Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown… but so’s your ass.”
“You’re a honey… and you’re a cutie.. I just wish you had J-Lo’s ‘booty.’”
“I don’t wanna be sappy or silly, so, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!”
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A couple divorced a year remained friends. One day, he slipped & broke an arm. Ex-wife asked if there’s anything she could do to help.
“Well yes, if itis not to much asking, can you help me bathe?”
Soon after washing him, she saw a gradual erection..
She exclaimed
“Uy! Look it still recognizes me!”
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Dati ang lovers nilalanggam dahil sobrang sweet,
ngaun dinadaga na sila ..
dahil sa sobrang cheezzzzyy!! Haha.=P
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Mrs1: Mare, ang galing-galing ng anak ko! 5yrs old pa lang, kayang-kaya niyang i-spell kahit pabaligtad ang name niya.
Mrs2: Ano ba name niya?
Mrs1: SABAS.
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Q: What do cannibals call ATHLETES?
A: FAST food!
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The three Dolls in a man’s life are:
1… His Daughter “Baby Doll”
2… His Girlfriend “Barbie Doll”
3… His Wife “Panadol”
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GOOD GIRL: it’s hard to be good.
BAD GIRL: yes! If it’s not hard, it isn’t any good!
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Men should get in touch with their feminine side.
Why?!
They do enough moaning, whining, and complaining as women do!
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There are 10 very important men in a woman’s life..
Her Doctor who says, ‘take off your clothes.’
Her Dentist who says, ‘open wide.’
Her Vet who says, ‘and how is ur little pussy doing today?’
Her Gardener who says, ‘do you want me to mulch ur bush?’
Her Hairdresser who says, ‘do you want it teased or blown?’
Her Interior Decorator who says, ‘You’l like it when it’s in.’
Her Hunter who goes deep into the bush, shoots several times, and always eats what he shoots.
Her Remodeler who says, ‘it fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering.’
Her Milkman who asks, ‘do you want it in front or in the back?’
Her Banker who says, ‘if you take it out soon, you’l loose interest.’
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Things NOT To Say To Parents When Picking Up A Date:
Sorry I’m late. I had to stop by the drugstore.
I just got my license today.
I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature.
100 bucks says she’s a D-cup.
So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?!
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TODAY’S QUOTE:
A good friend is just like a BRASSIERE of a girl which is comfortable, supportive, that holds you tight, and prevents you from falling and always close to your heart.
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NEWS UPDATE!
Scientist confirmed that beer contains small traces of MALE hormones. To prove this, they gave 1000 women 12 bottles of beer and observed the women became obsessed with sex but fell asleep long before they could please their partners.
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The rest of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
