Please remind your respective KKK group (kabit, kirida, kulasisi) that their Valentine’s day is on the 15th. The 14th being a day of fasting & prayer para di mabuko…ü
oOo
I asked a nursing home attendant why there were 6 old ladies lying totally naked on the garden lawn? She said, “They are retired prostitutes having a Garage Sale!!”
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Advantages of Women With Big Boobs…
.. can get a taxi on the worst days
.. have a neat place to carry spare change
.. make jogging a spectator sport
.. can keep a magazine dry while lying in a bath tub
.. always float better
.. have a place to set their glasses when seating in an armless recliner
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To ensure long and hard erection, follow strictly the doctor’s instruction:
“SHAKE WELL BEFORE USING!”
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While inspecting their honeymoon hotel room, bride saw a small box attached to the bed and turned to her husband..
SHE: what’s that for?
HE: if you insert a quarter in it (reaching into his pocket), the bed starts vibrating.
SHE: save your money! When you’re a quarter in, I start vibrating!
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According to Chinese doctors, a Woman’s Body Has Five Rooms:
1. FACE – showroom
2. BOOBS – playroom
3. TUMMY – storeroom
4. VAGINA – men’s room
5. ANUS – emergency room
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Defending her failure to answer accurately the question on the price of ‘galunggong,’ Sen. Jamby said, “I am a vegetarian” and NOT ‘VAGITARIAN’ as others insist they heard her say. When asked if she knew the cost of ‘itlog na maalat’, she replied “No. I also don’t eat eggs.” That we know!
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When a woman gets married, she wants the 3 S’s:
Sensitivity,
Sincerity,
Sharing.
What does she get? The 3 B’s..
Burps,
Body Odor,
Beer Breathe.
Don’t forget that she also gets the 3 F’s…
Farting,
Flatulence,
and
Fucked! 
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Two nuns took a trip outside the convent. They had never seen a basketball game, so they bought tickets. They sat at the bleachers, & hearing a hotdog vendor, one said, ‘We’ve never had hotdogs before,’ & they decided to buy two.
1st nun unwrapped her hotdog & quickly rewrapped it saying, ‘Oh, my!’ ‘What’s wrong?’ 2nd nun asked.
‘Well,’ came the reply, ‘what part of the dog did you get?’
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LAWYER: u r here as a witness abt d quarrel btwin ur neighbor & his wife. Wer u present @ d start of d trouble?
WITNESS: Yes.I was a witness @ their wedding.
oOo
Q: what’s the most important question you have to ask if you want to have safe sex?
A: what time will your husband (wife) get home?
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Sen. Gringo, who himself was a fugitive from the law in the past has advised a fellow ‘Mistah’, Sen. Ping to ‘master the art of disguise,’ and to ‘maximize costumes,’ prompting Ping to read articles on Lady Gaga! 
)
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Definition of SEX:
It’s an INJECTION with AFFECTION to the MEAT SECTION, from a PROJECTION, without OBJECTION, and hopefully, NO INFECTION. ü
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TECHNIQUES OF BRA REMOVAL:
The HOUDINI Hug – Using sleight-of-hand, place arms around girl and unhook bra. Refrain from saying, “Ta da!”
MCGYVER’S off-the-shoulder
Slide – an alternate method to use after 10 minutes of unsuccessful hugging.
HILTON’S Last Resort – Beg like a dog and learn to accept the sound of wicked laughter.
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“I’ve just dug up a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart attack!” an archeologist exclaimed. To which museum curator replied, “Bring him, we’l check it out.”
A week later, curator told archeologist, “You were right about mummy’s age and cause of death. How did you know?”
“Easy! There was a piece of stone tablet in his hand which reads, ’100,000 shekels on Goliath.’”
oOo
A Woman’s Perfect Breakfast..
She’s sitting at the table drinking her gourmet coffee.
Her son and daughter are on the cover of ‘Fortune.”
Her boyfriend is on the cover of ‘Playgirl.’
Her husband is on ‘Missing Person’ bulletin of the Police Department.
oOo
Pick-Up Line Of The Day:
Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder and then touches himself and says,
“How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?”
oOo
All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
