Si Teroy taga Bohol punta sa Maynila. Hinuli siya ng pulis, kasi nag jay walk ng 2 beses. Nung pangatlo, hindi na sya nakatiis, nagtanong sa pulis…
“Saan ho ba sir, ang tawiran ng mga taga-Bohol?”
oOo
REVISED EDITION:
AMO: Hoy, Inday! Bakit sunog ang sinaing?
INDAY: Heavy fire that exert by the stimulus effect of the best conductor of heat which is steel, causing the Oriza sativa to change its state of color, smell as well as taste.
AMO: In other words, you didnt apply your knowledge about heat conductors and left the Oriza sativa to burn! Akala mo, nosebleed ako no? Nag-study na ako… Bring it on! Bitch! (panis c inday)
oOo
PASYENTE: Doc, anong ibig sabhin ng MD sa karatula nyo?
DOCTOR: MD?
…. Ah, Money Down!
oOo
Bago na ang collection box sa simbahan. May special effects depende sa ihuhulog na donation.
P10 & P5 coin – walang sound
P1 – may bell
25 ctvs – may pito
10 ctvs – putok ng baril
kung wala kang ihuhulog – KUKUNAN KA NG PICTURE!
oOo
BOY:Mainit ulo mo?
JUN:Nahirapan ako ng pneumonia, diarrhea,migraine & osteoarthritis!
B:Dami mong sakit?
J:Hindi! Yun ang test namin sa spelling?
oOo
Sa isang liblib na baryo…
BATA: taTang, pwede po mgtanong?
TATANG: Anu un, ineng?
BATA: saan po papunta itong daan na to?
TATANG: alam mo ineng, matagal n q d2 pero hindi ku pa nakitang umalis yang daan na yan….
oOo
You heard all jokes about women hiding their lovers under the bed or in a closet or some place like that. That’s no good! You can hide somewhere where your husband would never think to look, like the laundry room, under the sewing machine. Or even in the trash he never takes out! ü
oOo
“That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money gambling,” a wife told a neighbor.
“You didn’t do it, did you?”
“I have to admit I did — tho’ with certain misgivings. What I haven’t done tho’ is to tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!”
oOo
Why sex is better than golf:
No green fee,
smaller hole,
need only 1 stick & 2 balls,
more strokes,
noisy playing permitted
wet conditions ideal!
oOo
Madame Chuva’s Horoscope Today:
Magingat ka!
Susugurin ka ng bubuyog!
Si Jollibee. Tinopak yung mascot nila, aatakihin ang mga customers!
oOo
A guy in rush uses d ladies room in posh hotel. He sits down & notices 4 buttons- WW, WA, PP & ATR. Curious, he presses WW & is gently sprayed with warm water, then WA & a blast of warm air dries HIS BUMS. PP, a powder puff which left him smelling fresh. Feeling pamperd he presses ATR…… He wakes up in hospital & a nurse says “ATR meant Automatic Tampon Remover. Your DICK & balls are in this jar, in case you want to take them home.”ü
oOo
When u r dating…
He holds your hand in public
When you are married…
He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating…
A single bed for 2 isn’t that bad
When you are married…
A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating…
yoU are turned on at the sight of him naked
When u are married…
U think to yourself… ‘Was he ALWAYS this hairy???”
When you are dating…
He hugs you for no reason
When you are married…
He grabs your boobs any chance he gets!
oOo
*COMELEC*
MAN1: Utol, gusto kong magtrabaho sa COMELEC!
MAN2: Bakit? Dahil ba sa lagayan?
MAN1: Uy! Di lagay yun ah! Komisyon on Eleksyon yun!
oOo
A new porter was told to call hotel guests by their names to make them feel more welcome, and the best way to know guests’ names was to look at tags of their luggages.
Our man gave it a try and happily greeted a couple, “I do hope you enjoy your stay here, Mr. & Mrs. Genuine Cowhide!”
oOo
Life is hard…
full of problems,
pagod,
puyat,
and when you feel you can’t take it anymore,
Stand up,
be confident to say..
“Boss..
Fuck You!”
oOo
Anak: Daddy, bakit ka nakasubsub sa pagitan ng hita ni mommy?
Daddy: Kumakain lang ako ng kamatis, anak.
Anak: Bakit po kayo kumakain ng kamatis?
Daddy: Pampapapula kasi un ng kutis, anak.
Anak: Ah! Kaya po pala namumula mukha mo, daddy!
oOo
QUOTATION OF THE DAY:
“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” – Jay Leno
oOo
ALL of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
