M A R U I S M

Ngayon ay prostate cancer awareness month.
Salatin ang itlog ng bawat lalaking makakasalubong mo.
Be a concerned citizen. Tumulong and save a life!

oOo

MISIS: Hon, buntis ako..
MR: Ano buntis ka? Kala ko umiinom ka ng pampalaglag?
MISIS: Kasi nalaglag ko yung pampalaglag…

oOo

A man staring at a lady’s short skirt saw she had no panty. “Are u luking at my pussy?” she asks.
“Yes, I’m sorry,” he replies.

“It’s ok. Look! I’ll make it blow u a kiss.” Sure enough it did. So the man, amazed asks what else it can do.

“It can also wink” and it did. “Wanna stick a couple of fingers in it?” she asks. Stunned, man replies, “Sus, u mean it can whistle to call a taxi too?!”

oOo

A daughter of a Pinay working at the White House asked her mother about the current U. S. president’s sex prowess..
“BARAKO BA MA?”

oOo

Prayer of a little girl…
Oh, God, please send clothes to the poor naked women whom I saw on my Dad’s computer.

oOo

Ang swerte pala ng mga guards!
Talong talo tayong lahat!
Mga SIKYU pala mauuna sa langit!
Tingnan mo sa Bible,
“Sikyu first the kingdom of God..”
o, di ba?

oOo

DOCTOR: You Look Exactly Like My 3rd Wife.
LADY: How Many Wives Do You Have?
DOCTOR: Two…
MoRaL: Express Smart Ideas, Smartly!

oOo

Today’s Horoscope:
Magiging busy ka sa isang proyekto. Pero hwag maging sobrang busy to the point na maha-haggard ka.
Tandaan, HAGGARDNESS is next to UGLINESS!

oOo

TANONG: Ano ang gagawin mo kung may mag-aalok sayo ng chicharon at wala kayong suka?
SAGOT: Hilahin mo na lang ang kaibigan mong maasim at sa kanya isawsaw!

oOo

Any attention,
no matter how painful,
is better than none.

Sa Tagalog…
KSP ka masyado!

oOo

AMA: Ang panahon talagang nagbago na…
ANAK: Bakit po, ‘Tay?
Ama: Noon, magnanakaw muna bago tumakbo. Ngayon, tumatakbo muna bago magnakaw… Ingat lang, marami sila sa 2010.

oOo

Hunter bragged that blindfolded, he can identify d animal by feeling it’s skin & locating d bullet hole, tell what killed it. He’d prove it if they’d payfor drinks. So they blindfolded him, gave him a skin.
“Bear by a 308 rifle.” He was right.
This went on till he was very drunk & went home.
Next day hesaw he had a black eye & wondered how he got it.
Wife said “I gave it to you. You put your finger in my panties & yelled ‘SKUNK KILLED W/AN AXE.’”:-)

oOo

What makes a person worth loving?
It’s when you’re both sleeping on a cold night.
You turn around and see him sleeping in his most innocent state.
You kiss him lightly making sure he will not wake up.
You turn on your back and a smile lit up your face…
and then you feel an arm hugging your waist, a warm breath on the back of your neck…
Hearing him say, “yan matigas na tuloy…”

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE