Nadia M0ntenegro pr0m0ting her m0vie: Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po 0n the twenty-TWOTH of November!
SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela
oOo
Finally, last Friday, Tiger Woods made a public apology for his extra-marital affairs.
The opening line of his 14-minute statement was: “Four whores and seven years ago…”
Aba ala Lincoln!
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PAGASA says Luzon hydro dams are nearing critical levels due to El Nino. So Sen. Manny Villar was compelled to revise his campaign song. It now goes..
“Natutuyot na nga ang dagat ng basura,
Maligo ka na lang sa tubig ng labada,
‘Yan ang hamon namin, Kaya ko ‘yan, kaya mo rin!”
oOo
Sa isang sinehan:
BABAE: Excuse me, naapakan ko ba ung paa mo nung lumabas ako kanina?
LALAKE: oo, masakit yun!
BABAE: Good! Tama pala ang row na pinasukan ko.
oOo
SELF ANALYSIS Of A MAN
My Strength: My WIFE
My Weakness: My NEIGHBOR’S WIFE
My Opportunity: When my NEIGHBOR’S HUSBAND’s on tour.
My Fear: When I’m on tour.
oOo
At a Los Banos college, the professor was lecturing about increasing milk production of cows when a girl in the class asks, “Why do cows always seem depressed when being milked?”
The professor replies, “Well girl, if at dawn they woke u up, rubbed ur tits & didnt screw u afterwards, what would u feel?”
oOo
A touching love story:
A boy and a girl love each other soooo muchhh…
One day while talking, the boy touched the girl’s pussy!
The girl in return, touched the boy’s ****!
… the end!!!
What a touching story!!!
oOo
Ang relationship ay parang spaghetti at ang sex ay parang cheese.. na kahit wala ito, pwede mo pa rin syang kainin..
lalo na kung mahal mo ito.. ang cheese bonus na lang un eventually kapag namnam mo ang sauce ng relationship you’ll realize na ang cheese is quite important but not a priority..
just like sex, kung cheese lang ang habol mong matikman sa spaghetti, sana lumamon ka na lang ng isang buong keso de bola…
makes sense di ba?
oOo
Joke time: HUSBAND: You told me several men proposed marriage to you..
WIFE: Yes, why?
HUSBAND: I wish you married the 1st id..ot who proposed.
WIFE: I did!!
oOo
Nuns wanted to watch TV. 1st sed she wanted INDY 500 car race. 2nd wanted sexy Shawn Michels. 3rd wanted to watch Lifestyle to learn knitting. 4th wanted Discovery channel on how a baby is born. After a discussion the 4 decided to flip channels every 3 seconds so they can watch what they wanted. This is what it sounded like: “And they’re off! They’re on top of each other! In.. Out.. In.. Out.. and yes, the baby is born!”
oOo
Men come in three sizes:
Small,
Medium, and
Oh My God!
oOo
JUAN: Ayoko nang maniwala sa horoscope! Sabi, maswerte ako ngayon.. eh naholdap ako!
MON: Bakit may pera ka ba?
JUAN: wala!
MON: Maswerte ka nga! Hindi ka tinodas eh wala ka namang pera!
oOo
GMA: Sige nga erap, tingnan ko kung magaling ka. Give me 2 words that contain millions of letters.
ERAP: Sus ang dali! Post Office! 
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One liquor shot reduces life by 5 minutes, but sex increases life by 10 minutes.
So the basic sense of that statement is…
“Kahit lassengero, basta mahalay, matagal mamatay.”
oOo
Above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE
