M A R U I S M

The perfect Phil President must have:
Villar’s money
Aquino’s heart
Teodoro’s brain
Estrada’s appeal
Villanueva’s spirituality
& Gordon’s.. DICK!

oOo

Kodigo pra di malimutan mga kandidato:
Eh d Perfecto;
Noynoy ni Korina;
Bigo si Edu;
Dick ni Bayani;
Bigote ni Nognog;
at etong pinakamatindi…
Mani ni Loren!

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When a judge have sex with a woman not his wife, it’s called HONORABLE DISCHARGE.
When a congressman does it, it’s called CONGRESSIONAL INSERTION.

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A woman visited an eye doctor coz of failing eyesight. The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.
Doctor: Can you read the bottom line?
Girl: No.
Dr: Can you read the center line?
Girl: No.
Doctor: Can you read the large top line?
Girl: No.
Doctor: Can you see the chart?
Girl: No.
The doctor was frustrated and he whipped his penis out of his pants.
Dr: Can you see this?
Girl: Of course!
Dr: Well, there’s your problem.. you’re cock-eyed!

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Congressman Manhik Manaog: “Pareng Mongol, dalawang gabi na akong di makatulog sa pagiisip sa mga constituents ko na napinsala ng bagyo.”
Shooli: “Ano gawa mo sa ploblema,conglessman?”
Cong. Manhik Manaog: “Nag take ako ng sleeping pills para makatulog ako!’

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A woman goes into a gun store to buy a rifle. “It’s for my husband,” she tells the clerk. “Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk.
“Are you kidding?” she says. “He doesnt even know I’m going to shoot him!”

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A waiter scratching his behind while a doctor was going over the menu..

Doctor: You have hemorroids?
Waiter: No, sir, everything we have is in the menu.

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Nun complained to sister superior that a man entered the dormitory of nuns at night and made out with each nun every night. Stunned the superior asked for any signs to identify who it could be. When the nun replied that the man had a mole on his dick, the superior exclaimed, “Oh! It’s Father Fernandez!”

oOo

Juan, with a chronic cold, consults a herbalist.
HERBALIST: You must eat a lot of fruits, including the skin. By d way, what’s your favorite fruit?
JUAN: Coconut & pineapple.

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
The drunk says, “Ok, lets get started!”

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Newton’s 4th Law:
Every soul in this world has a pole or a hole.
When a pole goes into a whole, a new soul comes out either with a pole or a whole.

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Little boy asks his dad,
“Pop, how do u spell vagina?”
Dad says, “Sonny u should have asked me last night, it was at the tip of my tongue.”

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Question: Why is a woman like a luxury car?
Answer: If she is married to a closet gay, she is an SUV – Slighty Used Vagina.
When her husband is oversexed, she is a CRV – Constantly Ripped Vagina.
When her oversexed husband dies, she becomes MPV – Malungkot Parati Vagina.

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A RIDDLE:
The Pope doesn’t use it.
Nuns do not need it.
Arnold Schwarznegger has a long one.
Hayden Kho has quite a shorter one…
What is it?
Kung anu man ang nasa isip mo mali yun, APELYIDO ang tamang sagot!

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike