SMS Jokes 63

screenshot_180

oOo

Thought peace…thought peace is very important in our lives…coz without thought peace, paano tayo makakapag thought brass!

oOo

As i lay in bed, looking at the twinkling stars, looking at the majestic moon, and thinking about u, i suddenly realized…….“Pakingsyet! San napunta ang bubungan ng bahay ko?!”

oOo

3 kids on stage reciting their country’s alphabet: KANO: “Ei Bee Si Di Ee.” PINOY: “Ah Bah Ka Da Eh.” BUMBAY: “Di Bi Di, Bi Si Di, Em Pi Tri.”

oOo

Eh busy? Eh busy d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y and z. Galing no? Want to? Want to 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Galing mo talaga!

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Kups

oOo

ERAP: “Pareng Lito, ang daming namamatay ngayon dahil sa German measles.”
LAPID: “Oo nga, kaya swerte natin at hindi tayo naging German!”

oOo

Nanaginip ako:
Gathered in a large hall, an angel asked us to write down our sex encounters before entering heaven…
Before I could even start writing, I heard someone shout…
“EXTRA PAPER PLEASE!”
Pagtingin ko, ikaw pala yun!

oOo

Don’t be afraid to grow old.
Old folks are worth a fortune.
They have silver in their hair,
gold in the teeth,
stones in the kidneys,
and gas in the stomach!

oOo

“TANGA/ta-‘ngah/(noun)
1. Isang taong walang alam kundi mangolekta ng kaibigan tapos magrereklamong single;
2. Lalaking mahilig mambabae at nagugulat pa everytime ayaw pagtiwalaan ng mga kabit;
3. Ex-bf/gf mong iniwan ka for some reason then biglang magpaparamdam uli after some Jurassic years;
4. Babaeng ilang beses na naloko sa pareparehong dahilan pero di matuto tuto.

oOo

Kilala natin si Lucio Tan.
Kinancel nya kasal ng anak nya kay Japanese billionaire na si Hiroshi Iyo.
Pangit kasi dating ng kasal…
Iyo-Tan nuptials!

oOo

Translated Song Titles:
Hey Jude – Hoy Hudas
Power of Love – Buntis
More than a woman – Tomboy
Can’t be with you tonight – Nandito asawa ko!

oOo

Height of Professional Respect:
A Hindu beggar won 5 lak rupees lottery and bought a Golden bowl with the money for begging.
A TRUE PROFESSIONAL!

oOo

A small guy had just started putting on his underwear when his daughter entered the room.
“Mom!” she cried, pointing to her Dad’s extraordinary ample endowment,“what’s that?”
“Ah, dear,” said the Mom, “that’s your dad’s secret attraction. If it weren’t for that, you wouldn’t be here, nor for that matter would I.”

oOo

What’s the difference between impulse and instinct?
Ans: When a man suddenly gives a woman flowers, that’s IMPULSE.
But when a man suddenly eats her flower… THAT’S INSTINCT!

oOo

Woman applying for a job in a lemon grove seemed too qualified for the job.
“Look, Miss,” said the owner, “have you any actual experience in picking lemons?”
“As a matter of fact, yes!” she replied, “I’ve been divorce 3 times!”

oOo

Ilang beses ka man maligo
at uminom ng tubig
buksan ang aircon
i-on mo man ang electric fan
eh kung katabi mo naman si MARU?

Talagang magiinit ka! Dali ipasa mo sa iba naman! :-)

** To Mike, ayos ka! I like this! – Maru

oOo

And GOD said..
Let there be Satan so people don’t blame everything on me!
And let there be..
POLITICIANS, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.”

oOo
WARDEN: “Anung huling kahilingan mo bago i-lethal injection?”
PRISONER: “Pancit na lang po.”
WARDEN: “Huh, bakit?”
PRISONER: “Para long life po!”

oOo

PARE1: “Pre, ayoko na sa Amerika, lagi akong nagkakasakit.”
PARE2: “Ows? Anung sakit?”
PARE1: “High BLONDE pressure.”

oOo

(BREASTMILK ISSUE) DOH: “Ano ba ang mas mainam, ang sumuso ang anak mo sayo o MR mo ang sususo sayo?”

INA: “Sir, iba po pag SUMUSO ang AMA kesa sa ANAK.”
DOH: “Bakit?”
INA: “Sa tutoo lang po, gatas po ang nalabas pag sa anak, ewan ko nga ba iba ang NALABAS sa akin pag ama eh!”

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy MIKE