Bata: Yoya batit ato buyoy?
Lola: Kasi supot ka pa..kahit tanong mo sa nanay mo.
Bata: Nanay, batit ato buyoy?
Nanay: Kasi supot ka pa..kahit tanong mo sa tatay mo.
Bata: Tatay, batit ato buyoy?
Tatay: Kati tupot ta pa!
oOo
Masahista: Sir ano pong gusto nyo…SOP o MODIRIT?
Kostumer: Ano bang sop o moditir?
Masahista: Gusto mo SOPsopin ko muna o gusto MO-DIRITso na?
oOo
COLOMBIA: producess world’s best coffee
USA: made instant coffee
JAPAN: invented d 1st coffee maker
PHILIPPINES: invented voice-activated n service-oriented coffee maker—“Inday! Kape!”
oOo
“Hi! Ano gawa mo? Me, im propagating a unicameral form of idiosyncracy occurring malevolently in meritorious piece of clasterubial brain. In short, nakatunganga!”
oOo
May 7 baboy sa 1 box. Sa box na un, may 23 pairs na pato at isang sisiw. Ung sisiw na un, may nakaing 56 na bulate, tapos may 5 ibon. Ang tanong: Musta ka na?
**All above SMS Jokes courtesy of Kups
oOo
POSITIONS OF SEX:
69 – sarap na sarap sa kainan
66 – k*nt*tan nakahiga
99 – bading nagtirahan
96 – hiwalayan
6.6 – syota mo may kuto
6.9 – may regla
oOo
Sabi daw ni Bro. Eddie V…
“Mga kapatid, lahat ng ginawa ni Hesus, gagawin ko rin! Kaya pag natalo ako sa darating na eleksyon, lahat ng anyong tubig sa Pilipinas, gagawin kong alak at mag-iinuman tayong lahat!”
oOo
Playboy met a foxy girl at a bar and tried this pick-up line: “Can I be a part of your sexy body?”
She replied, “No thanks.. I already have an asshole!”
oOo
MAN to GOD: “LORD, is HOMOSEXUALITY against Your design for the human race?”
GOD: Yes, my child. Always remember, I created ADAM & EVE, not ADAM & STEVE!:-)
oOo
BOY: Do u love me just bcoz my father left me a fortune?
Girl: No, what do you think of me?! I would love you no matter WHO left you the fortune!
oOo
The hotel guest called room service, “I want a breakfast of 2 eggs burned black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee, watery orange juice & cold, hard, unbuttered toast.”
The room service clerk asked,”Why in the world would you want a terrible breakfast like that?”
“I’m homesick.”
oOo
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?
oOo
BILL CLINTON: i did a better job at lying than you!
GMA: oh yeah? i can do a better blowjob than Monica….& that’s without kneeling!
oOo
A man is OLD if he forgets to CLOSE his zipper!
OLDER if he forgets to OPEN his zipper!
OLDEST if he does not need a zipper..
only PAMPERS!
oOo
HE: Shall we swap position tonight?
SHE: That’s a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
oOo
North to North..
South to South..
But the best direction is..
Mouth to Mouth!
oOo
TRIVIA:
Do you know how they make rubber gloves in China? Workers dip their hands into melted latex, then air dry them. Now guess how they make condoms?
oOo
If you think that the shortest route to a man’s heart is through his stomach… that’s ancient.
The theory has long been gone when..
blow job was discovered!
oOo
Man: Can I have sex with my pregnant wife?
Doctor: 3 months, normal style. Next 3, dog style and last 3, wolf style.
Man: How do wolves do it?
Doctor: Sleep near the hole and howl!!!
oOo
Gay people invented sports. Think about it. Boxing: 2 topless men… in silk shorts fighting over a belt.
oOo
Stewardess: We are now preparing to land at San Francisco International. Please straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic devices and buckle up for safety. We hope you enjoyed flying with us.
Sa ating wikang Pilipino: Tayo po ay papalapag sa San Francisco Airport. Paalala po, ang unan, kumot, headset at iba pang kagamitan sa eroplano ay di po kasama sa pasalubong. Wag pong baklasin ang LCD-TV na nakadikit sa silya.
oOo
Open letter to DepED by a concerned parent:
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, pero wag naman bigyan pa ng homework.”
oOo
In 2005, American Steve Fossett becomes the first person to fly an airplane non-stop around the world solo. Today, a Pinoy is attempting to duplicate that feat: flying solo, non-stop. His name? Senator Panfilo Lacson.
oOo
This guy and his girlfriend are fighting… she says “I’m breaking up with you.” “Why?” he asks. She says “because you are a pedophile.”
“Pedophile?????? Hmmmm, that’s an awful big word for a 10 year old.”
oOo
A prissy lady asked her teenage daughter to sit down so they could have a heart to heart talk about sex and marriage.
“U already know about sex thanks to my instructions,” said the mom while the daughter stifled a laugh, “Now comes marriage. What I expect U to do is find a young man with both feet firmly planted on the ground.”
Unable to resist, daughter asks innocently, “That sounds fine, Mom, but how will he get his pants off?”
** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike
nyahaha favorite ko ang SOP at MODIRIT
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