SMS Jokes 65

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Morning Body Routine:
Buhok magulo, suklayin
Mukha may muta, tanggalin
Kamay, unat-unatin
Katawan at paa, galaw-galawin
T*t* matigas, eh di batihin!

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Bakit daw hindi pwede tawagin si Loren na pro-environment?
Kasi sa ikabubuti ng environment bawal ang Plastic!

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Mga Salawikain Ng Mga Taga Pamahalaan:
Sa taong walang takot, malakas ang kurakot.
Pag may tiyaga, may commission.
Huli man daw at magaling basta may padrino, pasok pa rin.
Ang taong nagigipit kinakanta ang mga kasabwat. :)

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An old man went to confession, “Father, I’m 81, married with 6 children & 16 grandchildren. Last night, I made love to an 18 year old girl twice.” “I see,” said the priest, “When was your last confession?” “Never, Father,” replied the old man, “I’m Jewish.”

“So why are u telling me?” “I’m telling everyone,” replied the old man.

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HUSBAND: “You are so unresponsive! Do you use COLD Cream between your legs?”
WIFE: “You must be using VANISHING Cream between yours, ba?”

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Presidentiables theme song:
VILLAR-The long and winding road
NOYNOY-Mama
GIBO-Fly me to the moon
ERAP-To all the girls i loved before
JAMBY-Wish i had a bird.

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A wife at a wishing well. “I wish for no house work, no cooking, no cleaning, no washing and live a relaxed life.”
POOF! Surprised, she became a husband!

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3 vampires in a bar. The 1st one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The 2nd one says, “I’ll have one too.” The 3rd one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”

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“maturity and stability assure future than virginity. Marrying a virgin is not an assurance of a happy and perfect marriage. Premarital sex is d act of making love before marriage. I simply want you to realize that premarital sex does not necessarily make a person, dirty, rotten & worthless. We have our own choices, & its up to us to be tactful in deciding…”pokpok na may Ph.D, pinagtatangol ang sarili

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JIM: “How many legs a rooster got?”
TOM: “2”
JIM: “Ok, how many ribs has a cat got?”
TOM: “I’ve got no idea.”
JIM: “So, you know all above cocks and nothing about pussy!”

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So what if your husband flirts, one wife told another. Look here, my dog chases cars too. But if he caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it!

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The math teacher saw dat Larry was’nt paying attenti0n in class. She called on him and said, “Larry! What are 2 & 4 & 28 & 44?”. Larry quickly replied,”NBC, FOX, ESPN & CART0ON NETWORK!”

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Playboy met a foxy girl at a bar and tried this pick-up line: “Can I be a part of your sexy body?”
She replied, “No thanks.. I already have an asshole!”

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Life is full of rewards.

if you eat properly,
exercise & take good care
of urself for 60 years..

what’s your reward?

A SENIOR CITIZEN CARD!
20% discount :D

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3 men are arguing about when life begins.
1st: At the time of conception.
2nd: At birth.
3rd: Life begins when wife goes on vacation!

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MISIS: “Naku naman Darling ba’t lagi mong binibigyan ng pagkain yang pulubi, tingnan mo, mukhang ayaw nang umalis sa harap ng bahay natin.”
MISTER: “Eh kasi naman Darling pag umalis siya wala ng magtyatyagang kumain ng luto mo.’

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Have sex to maximize it’s effectiveness to human body.
(1) Have sex 30 minutes before meal, help digestion.
(2) Sex after wake up, help activate internal organs.
(3) Sex before you sleep to avoid stroke or heart attack at midnight and
(4) sex after bath, help lower blood pressure.
Have a nice sexy day!

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All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

 

 

Wedding Keepsakes

I have mentioned it once that I seldom go to weddings. Not that I dislike marriage ceremonies, it is for straight reason that I am rarely or no one invites me actually. Lol!

If I am not mistaken, I attended around 2-3 wedding ceremonies only in my entire life. Anyway, of those 2-3 rites that I have graced with my presence, I always look forward of that one wedding practice that is usually handed out to guests – the wedding favors . 😀