A 15 yr old girl was married to a 75 yrs old man. 0n their 1st night, both of them ended up crying…
Coz the girl d0nt kn0w anything and the old man had forgotten everything!
SMS Joke courtesy of Grashiela
When Mark was young,he prayed hard 4 a bike,but realized dat God doesn’t work dat way.
So he stole a bike & prayed for forgiveness.
(He’s now a politician.)
Erap writing excuse letter.
Please excuse Jinggoy from being absent yesterday.
He had diah (crossed out)
diaohoah (crossed out)
dyah (crossed out)
12 Stages of Modern Love Story
JANUARY – Rose
FEBRUARY – Propose
MARCH – Gift
APRIL – Lift
MAY – Chatting
JUNE – Dating
JULY – Miss You
AUGUST – Kiss You
SEPTEMBER – Anger
OCTOBER – Danger
NOVEMBER – Left
DECEMBER – Next
Banat of the day:
Kung nagugutom ba ako,
pwede ba kitang puntahan?
kahit sa labi lang…
Lone Ranger & Tonto were riding across the desert when a line of mounted Indians appear to the left and to the right of them. Behind they saw another line of mounted Indians.
Lone Ranger: Looks like we’re in trouble, Tonto.
Tonto: What do you mean WE, white man?
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in restrooms will never speak to each other. Women who’ve never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends and never history has a man excused himself from a restaurant table saying, “Hey, pal, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?”
3 dogs at the Vet…
~I’m here cuz I soiled my master’s new carpet & I’m to be put to sleep.
~I’m also being put to sleep. I broke my master’s expensive vase.
~I’m here cuz when my master stepped out of the shower, I just couldn’t resist. I jumped her from behind & screwed her…
~So that’s the reasonyou’re gonna be put to sleep?
~Nope, I’m here to get my nails done!!!
Tahimik na gabi sayo’y kumiliti, naway ipahele ka ng mga paniki, Bangungot ay lumayo, sa banig wag maihi, makatulog ng mahimbing, at di maiputan ng butiki! ðŸ™‚
Man walks by mental hospital, hears patients chanting: 69!69!69! Curious, he checks wall & finds hole. He peeps thru it & gets poked in the eye. Patients chant 70!70!70!Ü
Girls can wear all boys items like Tshirt, pant, shirt, jeans, lungies, But they can’t wear 1 thing, CONDOM
Its men’s monopoly. Be proud of it!
LOLA: what do you think of sex?
LOLO: at 18, I experienced it
at 28, I was looking for it
at 48, I begged for it
at 68, I prayed for it
& now at 78 …Ano nga pinaguusapan natin?
Man & wife go to Zoo. In front of Gorilla cage, man says: Excite him like u do to me! Wife removes her top, Gorilla goes crazy. Man :Tease him more, like u do to me! Wife removes her jeans, Gorilla goes wilder. Man opens cage, pushes wife in & says : NOW TELL HIM U HAVE HEADACHE & U ARE NOT IN THE MOOD NOW.
Noynoy aquino, ipapamahagi raw ang lupain ng hacienda luisita sa taong 2015! Sagot ng mga magsasaka: sige, sa 2015 ka na lang kumandidato!
2 Doctor nagusap:
Doc1: laki ng organ ng pasyente ko parang upo.
Doc2: i know, husband sya ng pasyente ko.
Doc1: ano naman sakit ng wife?
Doc2: nadislocate ang panga!
Thanks to reliable sources, intense and profound researches, here are the secrets of happiness:
The sky is clear, the moon shines brightly. It’s a perfect night for someone like you. So, go ahead, enjoy yourself. Pero mag-iingat ka sa paglipad mo, baka sumabit ka sa kawad ng kuryente!
** ALL of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike