Nakaranas ka na ba na mamatayan ng kapatid dahil wala kang pera pambili ng gamot?
Nakaranas ka na bang matulog sa bangketa sa palengke dahil wala kang sariling bahay na matulugan?
Pag si Villar ang iboboto mo, ang lahat ng ito ay mararanasan mo!
oOo
Pedro asks his doctor how to live longer?
Doc: Do u smoke?
Pedro: No
Doc: U drink?
Pedro: No
Doc: U gamble?
Pedro: No
Doc: Do u love sex?
Pedro: No
Doc: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT TO LIVE FOR SO LONG?
oOo
Man: Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time.
Woman: You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can’t encash.”
oOo
A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pick-up lines. She grabs his crotch, looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, “Very sorry, pal, I don’t see any potential here.”
oOo
A boy’s voice changes when he becomes a man.
A girl’s voice changes when he becomes a wife!
O di ba?
oOo
Man1: I don’t want to marry because I’m afraid of ALL WOMEN..
Man2: Get married soon, then you will be afraid of only ONE woman and start loving the REST…
oOo
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HUNTER & A HUSBAND?
- hunter MISSES his target;
husband targets his MISIS! 
oOo
Pinoy from Europe was questioned at Customs.
“What’s inside these balikbayan boxes?”
“Holy water lang, galing Lourdes..”
Sniffing the contents, the inspector retorted: “Teka, white wine ito ah!!”
Sigaw ng Pinoy: “Susmaryosep! Water naging wine! It’s another miracle from Lourdes!”
oOo
Man at a dentist’s clinic for an examination. In the middle of the exam, man tells dentist that he has just had lunch and did not have the time to brush his teeth before the exam. Dentist replies, “It’s ok. I understand. I just had to use the bathroom and didn’t have the time to wash my hands.”
oOo
What’s a Tactician?
A Tactician is a wife who makes sure she spends so much on herself that her husband can’t afford another woman.
oOo
BeAt This LoGIC:
The bf and gf were blaming each other for the unwanted pregnancy of the girl.
Bf: You must take care of d baby. He’ll b c0ming out from you. So, that’s urs!
After a l0ng m0ment of silence..
Gf: So, if you put a d0llar int0 a vending machine and a pepsi comes out, does the pepsi bel0ng to you or to the machine?
oOo
Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie.
They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk.
The problem was getting Ken to listen!
Men will be men!
oOo
A Maharishi stated that Kamasutra Sex is..
‘Duty’, if done with ur Wife
‘Art’, if done with ur Lover
‘Education’, if done with a Virgin
‘Business Transaction’, if done with a Prostitute
‘Social Work’, if done with a Divorced
‘Sacrifice’, if done with ur own Hand. Ü
oOo
A Famous Inspirational Speaker Said: “Best Years of My Life were spent in the Arms of a Woman who wasn’t MY WIFE..”
Audience was in Shock & Silence.
He added: “SHE WAS MY MOTHER”
Applause & Laughter
A Top Manager tried to crack this at Home. After a Drink, He said loudly to His Wife, in Kitchen: “est Years of My Life were spent in the Arms of a Woman who wasn’t my Wife..”
Standing for a Moment trying to recall the 2nd Half, he finally blurted out: “I can’t remember who She was…”
By the time he regained his Senses, He was on a Hospital Bed recovering from Burns of Boiling Water
Moral:
DON’T COPY IF U CAN’T PASTE.
oOo
Re: Sunset Age
Winston Churchill became Prime Minister at 66.
French Davidl, oldest to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro at 87.
Adventurer Mohrkedt won highest bungee jump at 93.
Texan Charles Squires volunteered to improve public schools at 100!
Kaya PRIME pa TAYO!
oOo
Kung walang sound ang mga infomercials…
C Gibo ay parang c FPJ na naglalakad sa iskinita…
C Noynoy ay mukhang pari!…
C Gordon ay parang myembro ngEmergency Crew…
C Erap ay parang namayapa na…
At…
C Villar ay parang PEDOPHILE!
oOo
**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike
