SMS Jokes 69

Husband: Sobra ka na, napakaselosa mo! Kung pwede ko lang iwan ang titi ko, para hindi ka nag-iisip ng kung ano ano!
Wife: Oy oy oy! Ano ako tanga? Iwan mo rin ang dila mo!

SMS joke courtesy of Kups

oOo

Yoga Master: Has yoga any effect on ur husband’s drinking habit?
Wife: Yes, an amazing effect! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down on his head!

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

NON-SENSE TRIVIA –

  • If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months & 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat a cup of coffiee (pwede palang gawing coffeemaker ang bungagera!)
  • Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump. (salamat naman! lindol yan pagnakataon!)
  • If you farted consistently for 6 years & 9 months, enough gas is produce to create the energy of an atom bomb. ( now, that’s more like it!)

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

Wife woke up her husband in the middle of the night..

SHE: There’s a burglar downstairs eating the cake I baked this morning.
HE: Whom shall I call, the police or an ambulance?

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

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ANAK: ‘Tay, bakit malakas humilik ang mga lalake?
AMA: Yun lang kasi ang paraan ng isang lalake para makabawi sa mga misis na bungagera.

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

Notice sa Male CR ng isang beach resort:
‘Kaibigan, iwasan ang pagdumi na parang palaka at kung umihi, huwag mong itaktak si Manoy para di kumalat ang patak ng ihi mo sa gilid ng bowl. Hindi ka baboy, Kaibigan!’

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

According to Pulse Asia:
Villar in neck-and-neck tie with Aquino!
To the rest of the pack,
“Neck-neck nyo!” 😛

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

Why do men cheat and lie?
It’s because they know it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission!

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

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Doug went to a psychiatrist & said, “Doc, I’m really worried about my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude picture.”
The psychiatrist said, “Well I wouldn’t worry about that. It’s probably just an expression of her interest in art. What was the nude picture for?”
Doug said, “Her driver’s license.”

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

Relationships…
LIPSTICK (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring on a tramp would wear…!

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

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CHINESE PROVERB:
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day, go shopping.
If you want happiness for a lifetime, don’t get married, but if you want a lifetime of happiness despite marriage, have a party…

A Third PARTY!

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

DEFINITIONS:

Adult – someone who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Beauty Parlor – where women curl up and dye.
Character Lines – what you have on your face.
Wrinkles – what others have on their faces.

SMS joke courtesy of Mike

oOo

Vitamins For Women

Women are advised to take at least one multivitamin pill each day because experts says that even those who eat five square meals a day for instance is not assured that she can get all the healthiest levels of nutrients she needed.
But there are so many choices out there, how can one know what vitamins should take? When looking for the best multi vitamins for women, of course one should make sure that the supplement is formulated especially for women. Anyways, it is better to get a check-up first and have a family doctor recommend a multivitamin to take.

Pesky Pimple

Still have pimples though you are over your teen years? Even with all the acne-preventing products in the market, some women still find themselves having breakouts, either occasionally or regularly. Fortunately, there are best acne treatments solutions available today. It does not matter if it is over-the-counter or dermatologist prescribed, the medication is becoming the best friends of those acne-prone skins and for them it is a heaven-sent especially if it can really treat the annoying pimple.

Freebies

I remember when I was still a working girl; my colleagues and I would trip to bridal shows and wedding expos after office hours to see the latest display of bridal gowns, samples of wedding invitations, wedding favors, talking to the suppliers, the florist and etcetera. Actually, ask me of the main reason why I like it going there – it is for the cheap thrill of bringing home paper bags full of exhibitor’s promotional items and giveaways! Lol! How I love freebies!

Reminder

The Semana Santa is fast approaching. I noticed that most people would rather plan and go for a long drive out of town, to flock and crowd the local beaches during holy week. For those who are going out of town, have a safe and sane road trip. Don’t forget to have you car tuned up, bring the necessaries like licenses and registration. It doesn’t matter if you have the cheapest car insurance – just bring the documents.