SMS Jokes 72

Sa morgue, 4 ang patay. naka-SMILE lahat:
1. Nanalo sa lotto, Inatake sa puso!
2. Nag-sex sa sexy star, Namatay sa sarap!
3. Tinamaan ng kidlat, Akala picture taking!
4. Nilayasan ng asawa, namatay sa sobrang tuwa!

SMS courtesy of Grashiela

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BABAE1: Peste itong kasal-kasal na ito! Mula ng makasal kami, di na ako hinahalikan ni Teryo.
BABAE2: Aba, dapat hiwalayan mo na agad hanggang maaga.
BABAE1: Huh? Hindi naman si Teryo ang napangasawa ko eh, si Juan!

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Kung gusto kong
yumaman pa…
eh babalik na lang ako sa
pagiging negosyante…
Pero…Bakit p ako magnenegosyo ng maliit kungpwede maging negosyo ang buong Pilipinas kapag naging PRESIDENTE ako.-Money Vil-liar

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Umaga, mag dyowa may hangover pa kakagising lang galing sa isang night wild party:
BF: Ikaw ba ang ka sex ko sa may garden kagabi?
GF:
Mga anong oras?

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MAN1: My new horse is very well-mannered.
MAN2: That’s nice.
MAN1: Yes, isn’t it? Every time we come to a jump, he stops and lets me go first.

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Pare1: Pre, parang di ko nakikitang nagaaway kayo ni mare.
Pare2: Nagaaway din pero dalawang salita lang isasagot ko, tatahimik na sya.
Pare1: Anong dalawang salita? Ituro mo naman sa akin.
Pare2: ‘Yes dear!

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Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinese, I Cum and No Cum. No Cum married a girl named No Cum Tu. Vely obviously, No Cum and No Cum Tu didn’t have children. One day, No Cum went out of town, and I Cum came over and spent night with No Cum Tu. Nine months later, No Cum sees he’s about to become a dad but he not know how come. So when baby came, he named her How Cum U Cum. Of course, I Cum and No Cum Tu know How Cum U Cum came, but to this day, No Cum did not know How Cum U Cum came!

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Economics Professor: “Tell me what is the similarity between your bank account and a bra?”
Student: “Well, the more that’s in it, the better interest you get.”

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An ex Army applies for a job at DPWH. The interviewer asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
“Yes!” the guy says, “a landmine blew my testicles away!”
“OK. You’re hired! Working hrs are 8am-5pm. Make sure you’re here by 10am every day.”
Puzzled, the guy says, “You said 8am-5pm but why do you want me to come in only at 10am?”
“This is a gov’t job. The 1st two hours we just sit around scratching our balls.. no point in you coming for that!”

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Licking a pussy
is like playing
with the Mafia..

one wrong move
and you are in
DEEP SHIT!

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Gal takes a dress to dry cleaner and asks for it to be cleaned.
The owner is deaf and says, “Cum again?”
She blushes and replies, “No, its YOGURT this time.”

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Your wife is your right hand..
but in the absence of your wife..
your right hand becomes your wife… 😉

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Two men are approaching each other on a pavement in New York. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969.
The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, “Dog shit, 20 feet back.”

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Concise Sex Manual for PC Experts:

1. Be user friendly.
2. Take bytes (nibbles.. hehe)
3. Fondle joystick.
4. Spread sheet.
5. Fix surge protector.
6. Activate hardware.
7. Insert disc, all the way. (yes! yes!)
8. Do it ’til it megabytes.
9. Back it up.
10. Eject floppy:(

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Message in a bottle…
“I may not know all your worries and fears, but if you need help, ayan ang bote, tumagay ka, inuman tayo!”

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Written above a male urinal:
Why are you looking up here? Ikinahihiya mo ba?”

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A dad talking to his boy’s teacher.
Teacher: Sir, I’m sorry, but ur son does nothing in school, he fails in every subject.
Dad: Except for drawing, he’s very good at it.
Teacher: That’s correct. Last week drew a tiger on the chalk board n his classmates wer so frightened, they don’t want to enter the classroom.
Dad: That’s nothing! Last month, he drew a pussy on the stove, I burned my damn dick three times!

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Lawyer standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulder n back. He turns around: ‘wat the hell do u think u’r doing?’
‘I’m a chiropractor n i’m just keeping in practice while i’m waiting in line.’
‘Well, I’m a lawyer but u don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?’

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Innocence.
Kid: Mom,I want a baby brother.
Mom: Your dad is overseas, when he comes back we’ll talk over it,
Kid: Why dont you just give him a surprise?

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JUAN: May problema ako sa asawa ko! Humihingi ng sustento.
PEDRO: Matagal na kayong hiwalay, di ba?
JUAN: Yun na nga, e. Pag di raw ako nagbigay, babalik na lang daw siya sa akin!

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Boy: miss, ketchup ka ba?
Girl: o ano ba kakornihang banat yan? Sige nga, bakit ako naging ketchup?
Boy: hinahanap hanap ka kasi ng hotdog ko eh. pasawsaw lang.

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All above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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