Sa lahat ng kandidato ng pagka-presidente si Erap ang nagsasakripisyo ng todo-todo. Biruin mo, summer init ng panahon…naka-jacket!
Lalaki1: ‘Kala ko asar ka sa biyenan mo. Bakit mo pinadalhan ng bulaklak?
Lalaki2: Naospital kasi, heart attack, high blood.
Lalaki1: Sori, Anong bulaklak bigay mo?
Lalaki2: Sitsarong bulaklak!
Presidentiables Favorite Drinks:
Erap: Johnnie Walker Blue Label
Jamby: Evian Mineral Water
Gibo: San Miguel Beer
NoyNoy: Magnolia Fresh Milk
Villar: C-5 Iced Tea
DINER: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
WAITER: So, why aren’t you laughing, sir?
PACMAN: Alam nyo, ser, sorbey lang yan. Di dapat iniiyakan yan! Mas masakit pa nga dyan ang mga suntuk ni Cuttu eh.
VILLAR: Di naman yung survey ang iniiyakan ko eh. Si Quiboloy! Pinaasa nya ako sa endorsement. Wala rin naman pala. Huhuhuh!
PACMAN: Pag di pa to tumigil sa kakaiyak, uupakan ko na to!
VILLAR: Sobra ka na! Hindi ko na kaya! Yung Iglesia nag-promise din sa akin tapos sabi sa diyaryo, si Noynoy na raw?!? It’s unfair! It’s unfair!
4 Types of Jejemons:
MILD: eOw pU. mxTAh pOeh.
MODERATE: eOw pfOw. nAh m1sZ pfOu qtAh. MwAhxx!
SEVERE: 30w Po3h! anOh pO3h gWa U? TxT nA LhErN pO36h zA giZing pFa!!
TERMINAL JEJEMONS: 30w pOEh, m3N4 p!pOL! nUa m1XzkO pHoU k3o!
Save the planet! Kill all jejemons!
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks that the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. However, the Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It’s speaking English that kills you.
TANONG: Bakit nakatayo ang lalake kung umiihi at ang babae naman nakaupo?
SAGOT: Pagkat ang lalake ay may mahahawakan. Habang ang babae ay walang mahahawakan.
A woman was going to marry a guy who wanted a virgin. Since she wasn’t, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her hymen. The doc told her it will be expensive but there’s another way that will cost a hundred bucks. The woman agreed to try the cheap way, and the doc worked on her for several minutes.
After the “first” night of intimacy, the woman went back to the doc and told him that it was perfect. The pain, the blood, everything was there. And she asked him how he did it.
“Simple…I tied your pubic hairs together! ðŸ˜›
ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE