Erap: I have swallowed a key.
Erap: 3 months ago!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Erap: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost that too.
Once Isaac Newton was looking at a girl taking a shower in her bathroom.
Suddenly his dick started getting erect, a person asked him what’s happening, he said something went against the law of gravity.
TEACHER: Sam, you talk a lot.
SAM: It’s a family tradition.
TEACHER:What do u mean?
SAM: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
TEACHER: WhAT about your mother?
SAM: She’s a woman.
The police arrested a guy who claimed his name was Martin Fuckbreak. They called his employer to ensure that was really his name. The officer asked, “Do you have a Martin Fuckbreak there?” The person on the other end said, “Hell no, we don’t even get a coffee break!”
ANGRY BOSS: Have you ever seen a stupid-idiot-fool?
EMPLOYEE: (looking down) No, sir…
BOSS: Don’t look down. Look at me!!!
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.” “What’s he stuffed with?” asked the visitor. “My ex-wife” replied the host.
The Pentagon found it has too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retires full benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the body, with the general getting to opt any pair of points he wished.
An Air Force general chose to have the top of his head to the tip of his toes measured. He got $720,000. Next, an Army general asked to have it from the tip of his hands to his toes. He got $960,000.
A grizzled Marine general asked it to be measured from the tip of his dick to his balls. A medical corpsman was called to do it. When the corpsman began, he exclaimed, “Where are your testicles, sir!” General replied, “One in Iraq and the other in Kabul… Keep measuring!”
After the honeymoon, Bill Gate’s bride allegedly remarked…
“Now, I know why your company is named MICROSOFT!”:-)
A drunk man is driving and his car weaves violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
“So,” asks the cop, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few. Did you know that a few miles back, your wife fell out of the car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”:-)
A magician has hypnotised his entire audience. They are willing to do whatever he tells them to do. Unfortunately, the magician trips over the microphone cord, lands on his ass and says, “Shit!”
ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE