SMS Jokes 89

Si Noynoy na!
Si Gibo naBigo!
Erap makikipag-team-up kay Willie mag-host ng new show "Ka-Wawa-We"
Gordon magpapatayo ng sariling survey company – "Flash Asia"
Villar nangakong lilinisin ang mga dagat ng basura para ma-reclaim at mapatayuan ng SEA-5 extension.
Mabuhay! Pilipinas Got Talent!!

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Loi – Hon, call the police by dialing 117. A robber is taking our valuables away.
(robber  went off their valuables.)
LOI – Oh, hon! The robber is gone! What took you so long to dial 117?
ERAP – Dear, sabi mo dial ako 117, nasa 85 pa lang ako!

oOo

We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom. Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen? "Kapre yun, ‘mam, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!";-)

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GMA is leaving Malacaang soon..
Marcos left in a helicopter,
Cory rode on a Toyota Crown, Ramos on Mercedes Benz Limo, Erap on a boat,
ihanda na ang stroller! 😀

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Man came home, saw his wife wearing a new mink coat and asked where she got it. Wife: "I won it playing bingo."
Next night, man saw his wife with a diamond ring. Again, she said she won it playing bingo.
Following night, wife came home in a new car and told him she won it playing bingo. Then she asked him to fill the bathtub with water. Later, wife was furious why there was only an inch of water in the tub.
Husband replied, "I didn’t want to get your bingo card wet!":/

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A General, A Colonel and a Major were having a heated argument about sex.
The General maintained that sex was 60% work and 40% fun.
The Colonel said that it was 75% work and 25% fun.
The Major said it was 90% work and 10% fun.
At the height of the argument, a Private came. "Let’s leave it to him," said the Major.
The Private listened carefully and authoritatively said, "If you’ll pardon me, Sirs, Sex is 100% Fun and No Work At All."
"How did you figure that out?"
asked the officers.
"It is very simple," replied the Private, "If There Was Any Work In Sex At All, You Guys Would Have Me Do It For You."

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Words of Wisdom?
Love your neighbor…
but don’t get caught!
Hard work never killed anybody…
But why take the risk?
Save water…
Shower with your girl/boy friend!
Every man should marry…
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Love is photogenic…
It needs darkness to develop!
Children in backseats cause accidents…
Accidents in backseats cause children!:-*

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An Arab prince went to Berlin to study.
A month later, he wrote to his dad: "This city is great, people are nice and I like it here, but I’m embarrassed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes limo when all my teachers travel by train.
A week later he gets a letter with a 20 million check saying, "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too!":-D

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Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They’re stopped by a policeman, "What do you think you’re doing? You were going very fast there, Father."
The priest says, "We’re taking the bike for a spin." The cop shakes his head, "I’ll have to give you a ticket. What if you had an accident?"
Priests say, "Don’t worry, son. Jesus is with us." Cop replies, "Now I have to book you, three people aren’t allowed to ride on a motorbike."

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Quote:
"I’d like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those really high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals."

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He tried me on the sofa,
He tried me on the chair,
He tried me on the window sill, but he could not get it there.
He tried me on the couch,
I stood against the wall,
I even laid on the floor, but it would not work at all…
He tried his best to do it, in front and in the rear,
but no matter how I tried to help, his things got out of gear…
I really had a laugh to see how many times he tried to
?
?
?
?
?
Take
?
?
?
?
?
My
?
?
?
?
?
Photograph.
What were you thinking?:-)

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MAN: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
WOMAN: Do Not Enter.

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All men are terrorists…
They always attack women on their twin towers and destroy their pentagon.

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😉 "According to a new medical study, it’s healthy for a wife to get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the SUV, she’s just trying to live a healthier lifestyle." ~ Jay Leno

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All of the above SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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