SMS Jokes 90

Cute conversation of a 14 year old girl to her mom.
Girl: Mom, I have started loving a boy.
Mom: What? How old is he? What does he do?
Girl: He is 5 months old happily kicking in my stomach..

oOo

DAD: Anak, pinagdududahan ko ang pagkalalaki ng nobyo mo.
DAUGHTER: Ha? Bakit niyo naman po nasabi yun?
DAD: Nagkita kami sa gay bar kagabi !

oOo

JUAN: May problema ako sa asawa ko! Humihingi ng sustento.
PEDRO: Matagal na kayong hiwalay,di ba?
Jn:Yun na nga, e. kung di raw ako mgbigay, babalik na lang daw sya sa akin!

oOo

SA BINYAG:

PARI: Anong pangalan ng bata?
TATAY: Surf po..
PARI: Hindi yan pwede kasi pangalan ng sabon yan..
TATAY: Eh, bakit po pangalan ng asawa koPerla?
PARI: Sige.. bibinyagan ko anak nyo si Surf, anong ibubuhos ko downy o zonrox?

oOo

Mga narinig daw na usapan sa HQ ng Liberal Party..

“Usapang lalaki ‘Noy. Magsabi ka lang ng totoo, hindi sasama ang loob ko. Si Jojo ba talaga ang ibinoto ni Kristina?”

“Akala ko ba, atin ang ABS-CBN? Bakit sa exit polls nila, lamang si Jojo?”

“Wala ka nang choice. Tapos na eh. So Plan ‘B’ ka na lang. “B”untisin mo na lang yung misis mong broadcaster.”;-)

oOo

A mother and her son flying *** Airlines.

The son who had been looking out of the window turned to his mom and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

Unable to think of an answer, the mom told her son to ask the stewardess, and he did.

The stewardess replied “Did your mother tell you to ask me?”

Boy admitted it was so.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because *** Airlines always pull out on time.”:-D

oOo

In Real Life!!!

If a barber makes a mistake, It’s a new style..

If a driver makes a mistake,
It’s an accident..

If a doctor makes a mistake,
It’s an operation..

If parents make a mistake,
It’s a new generation..

If a politician makes a mistake, It’s a new law..

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It’s a new invention.

If our boss makes a mistake,
It’s our mistake..

If the Catholic Church makes a mistake,
It’s the press exaggerating..:-D

Haaay… Buhay nga naman, walang umaamin pag nagkakamali!

oOo

Girl: Doc, my boobs are small, please do something.
Doc: Come daily, I’ll suck them and make them big.
Girl: Great! I’ll bring my husband along, his dick is also very small!:-|

oOo

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. 😉

oOo

A Swiss, a French and a Pinoy were travelling in a hot air balloon. After sometime, the French says we have reached Paris. When the other 2 ask him how he found out, he says his hand touched Eiffel Tower.

After sometime, the Swiss says that Switzerland is below them. When the other 2 asked how he found out, the Swiss replied that he can smell unpolluted cool air.

Much, much later, Pinoy said they’re over Manila. When asked how he found out, Pinoy replied that someone stole his watch!

oOo

TODAY’S QUOTATION:
“If God didn’t want men to eat pussy…
He wouldn’t have made it look much like TACO!” 🙂

oOo

A Mafia don with his lawyer met his accountant. The Godfather asked the accountant where was the $3 million he has stolen. Accountant remained silent.

Again, Godfather repeated the question. Lawyer interrupts the don, “Sir, the man is a deaf mute and can’t understand you, but I can interpret for you.”

The don says ok and the lawyer asks the accountant in sign language where the money was. Accountant signs back that he doesn’t know what the don is talking about.

Don pulls out gun and puts it to accountant’s head. Accountant says in sign language that money is hidden in his garage.

Godfather asks lawyer what did the man say, and lawyer said, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.” 😀

oOo

Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife goes wild.

Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe with chocolate, then lick it off, and she goes wild.

Pinoy: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my **** on the curtain, and my wife goes wild. 😀

oOo

Sex, to men, is summer rain, never know how wet or messy it’ll be. To women, it is winter snow: never know how many inches u’ll get or how long it’ll last.

oOo

At a call center..

Agent: Thank you for calling. This is Candy. How may I help you?
Customer: What did you say your name was, Mandy?
Agent: No, sir. It’s Candy.
Customer: Sorry, didja say Mandy?
Agent: No, sir. Candy! As in Storck!!!:-)

oOo

A Rabbi and a Priest talking..

R: So how high can you advance in ur organization?
P: If I’m lucky, I guess I could become a bishop.
R: Well, could you go any higher than that?
P: If all the Saints should smile, I guess I can be made a Cardinal.
R: Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?
P: Errr… I suppose I could be elected Pope.
R: Is there anyway to go up from being the Pope?
P: What?!?!?! You mean I should be the Messiah himself?!
R: One of our boys, named Jesus, made it!!:-D

oOo

Girl: Doc, my boobs are small, please do something.
Doc: Come daily, I’ll suck them and make them big.
Girl: Great! I’ll bring my husband along, his dick is also very small!:-|

oOo

Howard Schultz was turned down by banks 242 times. If he gave up, walang Starbucks ngayon.

Walt Disney’s theme-park concept was trashed 302 times. If he gave up, walang Disneyland ngayon.

Thomas Edison failed 9,999 times. If he gave up, walang electricity ngayon.

Kaya maski ayaw na ni Manoy, don’t give up, ituloy mo lang – – – titigas pa yan!:-D

oOo

Sayang natalo si Gibo.
Maganda sana ang ating First Lady…
Ngayon, we are stuck with Boy Abunda.

oOo

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud.

A fart can be short,
or a fart can be long.
Some farts do not smell,
while others are vile.

A fart can occur in a number of places,
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open spaces,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of us sooner or later.

So be not afraid Of the invisible gas,
For always remember,
That farts, too, shall pass. 😀

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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