A couple going out for dinner…
The wife puts on eye shadow, eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick (and God knows what else), then turns to her husband and asks, “Does this look natural?”:-|
A company CEO was telling friends about some of his life experiences..
“So I bought this yacth that could carry 50 people, took it out on its maiden voyage, & it hit a reef & sunk. Then I bought a jet plane & on its maiden flight, it collided with another plane on the ground & burned up. Then I married a beautiful blonde & no sooner did I get home, I found her fooling around with the chauffeur & I had to divorce her.”
“So, what’s the moral?” asked one of his friends.
“Clear as a bell!” CEO replies. “If it swims, flies, fucks, lease it! Don’t buy it!”;-)
Bill gates gave $50 tip 2 d waiter.
W: Sir, yesterdayyo ur son gav $500 tip & u gave only $50?
Genuine reply of Gates: He’s d son of Millionaire, I’m son of a farmer.;-)
Walter: My wife and I heard that coffee is good for your sex life.
Jeff: Oh, and is it?
Walter: No. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. I actually have to participate!:-P
Newly wed couple after having first shot!
GROOM: I’ll be frank with you, dear. You’re not the first girl I fucked.
BRIDE: I’ll also be frank, you have still to learn a lot about fucking.:-)
What did the first ant say to the other ant climbing the King’s leg?
“Let’s meet at the royal ball.” 😛
While Creating husbands,
God promised women that Good & Ideal husbands will be found in every Corners of the World.
But the world is Round!:-|
When a woman is 18, she’s like football.. 20 men (plus reserves) go after her.
When she’s 28, she’s like a hockey puck, 8 men after her.
When she’s 38, she’s like a golf ball. One man hitting her.
When she’s 48, she’s like a pingpong ball, two men pushing her to each other. 😉
Mrs. Smith hires a maid with a beautiful blonde hair. The 1st morning, she removes her wig & says she’s born hairless, even “down there.”
That night, Mrs. Smith told her husband. He said he has never seen anything like that & asked the wife to bring the maid to their bedroom the next day & have her strip. He will hide in the closet to see it.
Next day, in the bedroom the maid strips and show the wife. Maid says, “I’ve never seen one with hair. Can I see yours?” So Mrs. Smith obliged.
That night, Mrs. Smith says that she hopes the husband is satisfied, adding, “I was embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine.”
Husband says, “You think you were embarrassed… I had 4 guys I play poker with in the closet with me!!”:-D
BAKTUNG – daglat ng BAKAT UTONG
BAKTI – bakat panty
ASOGUE – buhok sa kilikili
JABARR – pawis ng katawan
SERGIO – buhok sa dibdib
TUTSANG – buhok sa ilong
KATCHAFRONKA – buhok sa utong
MAKAHIYA – buhok sa b*yag
KWAKARIKABU – buhok sa loob ng tenga
KUPAL – puting butil makikita sa ulo down there. Karaniwang itanatawag sa taong pampam, epal at marami pang iba. 😀
One Liners for Hot Dates!
You’re so hot, it’s girls like you that are the reason for global warming!
Girl, how long have you been in the oven, cause I felt something rising?
Hey, is your dad a terrorist? Because, baby, you’re a bomb!
How about you sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?
I’m like Domino’s Pizza, if you don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
I’m not Fred Flintstone but I can make your bedrock.;-)
DO U KNOW?
Women can take in 4 times wider penis than her hole?
During sex women can lift 4 times her own weight?
Women hav 4 times stronger sexual urge than men?
women can wear out 4 men in 1hr.?
women can satisfy men in 4 ways-Vagina, Ass, Mouth/Tongue & boobs?
Women are superb so.. Beware!!! 🙂
ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE