Just before take off, a flight attendant asked Muhammad Ali to fasten his seat belt.
"Superman don’t need no seat belt," Ali growled.
"Well, Superman," the stewardess replied "don’t need no airplanes!"
A wife shook her sleeping husband & said, "Wake up! Someone is breaking in!" The husband had gone through this every night for twenty years. He got up & this time there was a thief inside the house.
As the thief was about to leave, the husband said, "You should meet my wife. She’s been expecting you for twenty years!"
The Best Environmental Day slogan:
"Save planet Earth, this is the only planet with Girls!"
3 dads are talking about their sons.
D1: my son’s a Banker. Recently he gave his best friend $30K.
D2: my son’s an Engineer. Recently he gave his best friend house & lot.
D3: my son owns a jet company. Recently he gave his best friend a jet.
4th dad came out of cr & the 3 dads asked him about his son.
D4: my son’s gay & a strip teaser.
D1,D2,D3: oh, your so unfortun8.
D4: even if he’s like that, i love him. In fact, during his birthday last week, he rcvd $30K, house & lot & a jet from his suitors! 😉
Guy went crying to his friend.
Friend asked why he’s crying. Our man replied, "Last night was our honeymoon and as I used to go to the red light district, I handed my wife a hundred bucks this morning by mistake."
The friend said, "Ok, forget it, go to your wife, apologize and tell her that you will never do it again."
"I’m not worried about that," our guy said. "Then what’s your problem?" the friend asked.
"My wife gave me fifty bucks as change," came the pat reply.
There’s an old priest who got sick of all the people in the parish for they kept confessing to adultery. One day, he threatened to quit if he hears one more person who confesses to adultery. Since he’s well liked, the parishioners came up with the code word "fallen" for adultery.
This seemed to satisfy the old priest till he died. A new pastor came and about a week after he arrived, he went to the mayor and seemed very concerned.
The priest asked the mayor to do something about the town’s sidewalks, for when people went to confession they keep talking about having fallen.
Mayor laughs realizing no one had told the priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook a finger at the mayor and said, "I don’t know what’s funny but your wife fell 3 times this week!"
Man comes home drunk to find his wife angrily waiting for him.
She: Out drinking again? How much money did you spend?
She: (shouting) $100! That’s ridiculous, spending that much in one night!
He: Easy for you to say! You don’t smoke, you don’t drink and you have your own pussy!:-P
A husband and wife are in the internet business, but it’s the man who truly lives, eats and breathes computers. The wife realized how bad it had gotten when she was scratching his back one day.
US Ambassador Harry Thomas meeting with Noynoy was to dispel rumors that Jojo Binay is his son. Noynoy reassured Amb Thomas he never had any suspicion of such a relationship because Amb Thomas is too tall to be Jojo’s father.:)
"Who ever thought up the term "MAMMOGRAM?!""
Everytime, I hear it, I think I’m supposed to put my breast in an envelope and sent it to someone!" :-*
THE GOOD NEWS: There are many ways to argue with women!
THE BAD NEWS: None of them works!:-*
All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE