SMS Jokes 95

Si Juan ay asar sa kanyang buhay at nagtangkang magpakamatay. Umakyat sya sa pinakamataas na building! Nang marating nya ang edge ng rooftop tumingin sya sa baba. “ang taas!” sigaw nya.

Nagdalawang isip sya at nagpray, “Lord, itutuloy ko po ba? Pls. give me a sign.” Pag-open ng eyes nya nakita ang napakalaking billboard: “NIKE: Just do it!”;-(


Pare1: Baket ka lungkot?
Pare2: Kasi ayaw mag sex asawa ko… dami na daw kami anak.
Pare1: Dali yan… halika ako suntok sayo mukha.
Pare2: Eh kung suntukin kaya kita?
Pare1: Hinee ako lan suntok sayo… para tanggal ipen… bawas sex drive… sabi naming Chinese “Pak ikaw wala ipen, Wala kan-tooth”:-D


Anak: ‘Nay, anung ulam natin?
Nanay: Baka!
Anak: Wow! Ang sarap naman, e anung luto?
Nanay: BAKA meron o BAKA wala, depende pag may perang dala tatay mo!


Pretty girl nervously asked doctor to remove a large chunk of wax from her navel.

DOC: How did this happen?
GAL: Well, you see, Doc, my boyfriend likes to EAT by candlelight.


Inday asked for a raise. Ma’am was very upset about this & asked: “Inday, why do u want an a raise?”

Inday: “Well, ma’m, there 3 reasons why I want an increase. The 1st is that I iron better than u.” Wife: “Who said u iron better than I?” Inday: “Sir said so.” Wife: “Oh.”

Inday: “The 2nd reason is that I’m a better cook than u.” Wife: “Nonsense. Who said that?” Inday: “Sir said so.” Wife: “Oh.”

Inday: My 3rd reason is that I am better in bed than u.” Wife, upset now: “Did ur sir say so as well?” Inday: “No ma’m, the gardener said that.”



BATA1: pare, ano ang trabaho ng nanay mo?
BATA2: OFW sa Japan.
BATA1: Hostess?
BATA2: Hindi, DH!
BATA1: Ahh, Domestic Hostess!:-|


Sa tindahan…

ISKA: Uy, mare! Ang daming gamot ah?!
DORAY: May sakit si pare mo, eh! Ikaw anong bibilhin mo?
ISKA: Safeguard!
DORAY: Pwede ba sa tulo yan?:->


Kissing a woman on her forehead is RESPECT,

on her lips is LOVE,

on her cheek is HEROISM,

on her neck is LUST..

but kissing her in front of her husband is BRAVERY.:-D


A man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to church. Concerned about man’s absence, the priest went to see him.

The priest found him in excellent health, so he asked, “Why don’t we see you in church anymore?”

Old guy lowered his voice and replied, “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me anytime. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured God is very busy that He’d forgotten me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”;-)


A workman was hanging a sign outside of the Batasan. It read, “Solicitors, fakers and grafters will not be permitted in the House.”

Just then a congressman happened by. “Better strike out grafters,” he said, “or we’ll never be able to raise a quorum.” πŸ˜€


..Bakit CHICK ang tawag
sa batang babae?
At kasi maCHICKip pa!

..Bakit HEN naman ang
tawag sa babaeng may
anak na?
@Kasi naHENdot na!

..tse! ang Bastos!


A professor gave his class an assignment, and said the only reason for not finishing it would be if you were sick or a close relative died.

So a guy asked, What about sexual exhaustion?”

Amidst the class’ laughter, professor, replied, “Maybe you should consider using the other hand!!!” πŸ™‚


Ano ang sinasabi after sex?
Pag asawa mo, “I love you.”
Pag Kabit, “Ang galing mo.”
Pag Syota mo, “Wow, isa pa!”
Pag di kilala, “Bilisan mo. 3 hours lang tayo!” :->


You’re invited to watch the concert of Jaya, Kuh, Lindsay, Monique and Sharon entitled “JA-KUH-LIN-MO-SHA” πŸ˜€ live.
For more info, please call Master Bate, Inc. at telephone 669-69-69.


Pedro asked Juan “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”
“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the bay?” said Juan.
“Yes I have” replied Pedro.
“Well, he didn’t” said Juan.


Sa turo-turo.“Miss, may langaw sa arroz caldo ko!” Tindera:“Sa halagang 5 piso, anong ine-expect mo, manok?”


doc:umubo ka! pedro:ho!ho!ho!
Doc:ubo pa! pedro:ho!ho!ho!
pedro:ano po ba sakit ko doc?
doc:may ubo ka!


All f the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike

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