SMS Jokes 96

From Koala Bear:
Noynoy is leading d race bcoz d PCOS machines are made intentionally for him..
PCOS means.. President Cory’s Only Son… 😀

oOo

PULIS: Saan mo huling nakita kotse mo?
LASING: Ditho sa duloo ng sussi koh… Hik!
PULIS: Eh, bakit nakalabas ang manoy mo?
LASING: Putragis! Pati syota ko ninakaw din! Hik! Hik! 😀

oOo

Panjo: mukhang puyat kayo?
Ama: hindi ako nakatulog.
Panjo: iwasan nyo na po ang panonood ng bold.
Ama: loko! dahil sa hilik mo!
Panjo: hindi naman po ako naghihilik.
Ama: naghihilik ka! malakas pa sa busina ng jip.
Panjo: ows! wala naman po akong nadidinig. 😀

oOo

The country runs better with a good looking person in Malacanang.
I mean look at what happened with PGMA; no one wanted to fuck her, so she fucked everyone!!!:-|

oOo

Bili ko gamot sa Watson’s, di ako binigyan. Tama naman reseta ko:

Kantutseran
Amoykikilin
Susomokil
Paracetamod
Pepenamic Acid
Himodstan
Peniscilin

Saan ako mali?:-*

oOo

Three men are having coffee and chatting about coincidences.

1st Guy: When my wife was pregnant, she read “DOUBLE TROUBLE” & she ended up having twins.
2nd Guy: That’s interesting… Guess what? The wife read “THE THREE MUSKETEERS” when she was pregnant & had triplets.
3rd Guy: (sweating profusely) Guys, I gotta go home. I left my pregnant wife reading “ALI BABA AND THE FORTY THIEVES!”:-D

oOo

A guy on a golf course got hit by a ball in the crotch. Taken to a doc, he asks, “How bad is it? I’m going on my honeymoon next week & my fiancee is a virgin.” Doc said, “I’ll put ur dick in a splint to let it heal & keep it straight. It will be ok next week.” So doc took four tongue depressors & formed a little four-sided splint held together with surgical wire.

On their honeymoon, bride rips open her dress to reveal gorgeous tits. She says, “You are the 1st, no one has ever touched these.” He pulls down his pants, whips out his dick & says, “Look at this beauty, it’s still in the CRATE!”

oOo

Two prisoners were sitting in their cell talking, one said to the other, “You are getting out in a couple of weeks, are you going straight or back in Politics?”:-D

oOo

Guy had only been married for 2 weeks couldn’t wait to join his drinking pals, so he told his wife he’s going to d bar. The wife asks, “u want a beer, love?” & opens fridge to show him 25 different beers.

Man doesn’t know what to do, & only thing he can think of saying is, “yes, hon, but d bar.. d frozen glass..” He didn’t get to finish the sentence when wife gives him a frozen mug.

Looking pale, man says, “yes, tootsie roll, but d hors d’oeuvres that..” “You want hors d’oeuvres, poochie pooh?” she again interrupts & opens oven & takes out several kinds of hors d’oeuvres.

“But sweet honey, at d bar… d swearing, d dirty words…”

“You want dirty words, cutie pie? HERE DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN UR FROZEN FUCKING MUG & EAT UR FUCKING HORS D’OEUVRES, BECOZ YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT ASSHOLE?!”:-D

oOo

A man is being interviewed for a job.
“What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?”
“The slightest noise wakes me up.”:-D

oOo

A sign posted in a Dentist’s office said…
“Please be nice to our dentists. They have fillings too.”;-)

oOo

D.O.M.: Blow job mo ako!
GRO: Hot ba o cold?
DOM: Hot!
GRO: Special ba o regular?
DOM: Special.
GRO: Wet ba o dry?
DOM: Wet!
GRO: Half ba o full?
DOM: ‘Tang ina! Kantot na lang!:-D

oOo

ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

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