An 80 year old woman got married for the first time. Night of the honeymoon the old newly married woman suddenly rushed to the window and shouted to the d neighbors…. “PUTANGINA NYO HINDI KAYO NAGSABI GANITO KASARAP!!”
Budoy: Pre, bakit ang boobs ng bebot maputi?
Bogs: ah, siyempre may bra!
Budoy: bakit ang bayag natin may brief pero maitim?
Bogs: lagyan mo ng bra para pumuti kaya!
Mangyan nautusan pumunta sa bayan. Parang malayo isip nya nang may dumaang jeep. Pinara nya ito.
MANGYAN: Kuya, pede sumabit?
DRAYBER: cge, boy, ok lang!
Makaraan ang 30 minutes nakaramdan ang Mangyan nang pagod.
MANGYAN: Kuya, saglit lang po.
DRAYBER: Ano un, boy?
MANGYAN: pede po kasama paa? Pagod na po braso ko eh!
Ultimate bumper sticker:
“HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS. TEXT WHILE DRIVING IF YOU WANT TO MEET HIM”
What a woman says…
This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and You’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do the laundry right now!
What a man hears…
blah blah blah blah blah C’MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!:-P
“Didn’t you suspect buglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor?” asked a cop.
“No, I thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt,” replied the woman.
Nagluto ako ng titi ng baka para sa Soup #5.
Bibigyan sana kita ng maiinit na sabaw para sa lunch.
Pero anim na oras na, ayaw pang lumambot.
Putragis, may pekpek pala sa kaldero!
An angry person is seldom reasonable.
A reasonable person is seldom angry.
The greatest remedy for ANGER is DELAY.
Pero pag TT ang ANGRY, DO NOT DELAY!:-*
May wallet akong ibinebenta worth 1,000.Kunin mo na mahal kasi ang balat ng titi.Naipon sa pinagtulian, kapag hinimas mo, lumalaki, nagiging maleta!:-P
Two old guys talking about indignity of growing old.
1st gent said his hands shake so badly that when he was shaving this morning he cut himself in four places.
2nd gent said that’s nothing. This morning while pissing he came three times!
Erap & Lito Lapid looking for a place to have a picnic.
Erap: “Mukhang OK dun sa ilalim ng punong yun.”
Lito says, “Hindi! Mas maganda dun sa gitna nung kalye.”
They fought and decided to have it in the middle of the road. Soon a speeding car came towards them, swerved off the road and ran into the tree.
Lito: “Tingnan mo na, kung nandun tayo sa may puno, eh di dedo na tayo!!!”
Sign seen in a veterinarian’s clinic:
The Doctor is in.
All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike