SMS Jokes 99

Boss: Natutulog ka daw sa oras ng trabaho?
JUAN: Hindi naman po.
BOSS: Sabi ng guard nahuli kaw daw nya natutulog.
JUAN: Naku, wag po kayong maniwala dun!
BOSS: At bakit?
JUAN: Nanaginip lang po sya!:-D

oOo

“How did you like your first day at the nudist camp?” asked one bachelor to his friend.
“Well,” replied his friend, “the first three days were the HARDEST.” :-*

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A math professor sent SMS to his wife: “Dear, u r now 54 yrs old & unable to satisfy me. Now I am with my 18 yrs old student & I’ll be late today!”

Wife replied: “Dear, u r also 54 yrs old & unable to satisfy me. Now I am with our driver who’s also 18 yrs old. As u r a mathematician, u know very well that 18 goes into 54 many times more than 54 goes into 18. Watch out!”

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Do you know why men like fishing so much?
…because it makes their hands smell like pussy…:-D

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A barber moved from his first floor shop to the ground, and posted an announcement to his customers: “BARBER NOW SHAVES DOWN.”:-P

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Man on Friday night feels amorous. He says to his wife, “Honey, how about it?” She says she has a headache.
Saturday night they are in bed, & he asks, “Darling, how about it?” She says she’s too tired.
Sunday night he climbs into bed, puts her hands around her & says again, ” Well how about it?”
She pushes him away & says, “3 nights in a row? What are u, a sex maniac?”:-D

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Told by his shrink to stop spending all his time reading porn and to expose himself to real art, the perpetually horny young man took his advice.

Travelling to the Louvre, he opened his trench coat in front of the Mona Lisa!:-P

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Man enters a drugstore.

– Give me a pack of condoms.
– What size?
– I do not know.
– Well, take this board with holes. Go to the toilet and measure.

In ten minutes man came back:
– I changed my mind, I don’t need the condoms. How much is the board?

oOo

An Arab sheik to an American tourist: “Mr. Smith, your wife is a beauty. I will trade you her weight in gold.”
Smith: “Give me a few days.”
Sheik: “To think it over?”
Smith: “Hell, no! To fatten her up!”:-D

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A Bra maker named his product as “Embargo.”
When asked what does it mean, he said to read it in reverse, “O GRAB ME.” 😛

oOo

During the morning coffee break, the boss discovered a pair of junior executives making love in the storeroom. “How can you explain this?” the boss bellowed.

“Well” said the lady straightening her skirt, “neither of us drinks coffee.”

oOo

Clothes Washing Instructions:

100% Cotton
Machine Wash Warm,
Inside Out, With Like Colors. Use Only Non-Chlorine Bleach.
Tumble Dry Medium.
Medium Hot Iron.

OR

Give It To Your Wife.
It’s Her Job. 😀

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Doctor: Congratulations! Tell ur husband u’re pregnant.
Lady: I am single.
Doctor: Tell ur lover then.
Lady: There’s no lover.
Doctor: OK then, tell ur parents to prepare for the Second Coming.

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Some say “Laughter is the best medicine and Sex is the best exercise.”
So laugh while having sex!

But the question is…
How can you laugh when your mouth is full?!;-)

oOo

3 men were speeding on a highway. A cop pulled them over and said, “I’ll let you off this time but next time I’ll give you a ticket.”
Next day, same trio speeding again and same cop pulled them over and said, “I will give you a ticket unless all your dicks equal up to 10 inches.”
1st man’s dick was 5, he was very proud. 2nd man’s was four. 3rd man was one. 1st man said, “if it wasn’t for me, we would have a ticket!”
3rd man replied, “No, we were lucky, I was getting a hard-on.”:-P

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The police rounded up suspects for an identification line up for a rape suspect.
When the victim came into the room to pick out the suspect, a guy shouts, “That’s her! That’s her!:-D

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

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