SMS Jokes 100

Sa party…
MOM: Son, please. lead the prayer.
SON: Paano po?
MOM: Just pray what you heard me pray kanina.
SON: Diyos ko! Bakit ko inimbita ang mga taong ito?

oOo

Anong similarity na SINULID at MALE SEX ORGAN?
Parehong dinidilaan para tumigas bago ipasok! 🙁

oOo

2 buntis nag-uusap…
B1: Mare, di ko alam anong pangalan ibibigay sa anak ko.
B2: Buti ka, yan lang problema mo, ako di ko alam anong apelyido ibibigay ko!

oOo

If your dog is barking at the back of the door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The DOG, of course! It’ll shut up once you let it in!:-)

oOo

Ang YOSI ay may:
AMMONIA na mahusay panlinis ng kubeta.
CADMIUM na nasa baterya ng mga sasakyan.
CARBON MONOXIDE na nasa ref at usok ng kotse.
CYANIDE na ginamit sa poison camps ni Hitler.
DDT na pampatay ng ipis.
FORMALDEHYDE na pang embalsamo.
TAR gaya ng nasa aspalto.
BENZOPYRENE na nakaka cancer.
NICOTINE na dahilan ng pagiging dependent sa sigarilyo.
VINYL CHLORIDE na ginagamit sa pag gawa ng plastik.

Dami palang c0ntent ng yosi kaya sulit dos mo, Noynoy!

oOo

What three two-letter words mean “small?”

“Is It In?”

oOo

If a man has nipples in his hands, what do you suppose he has between his legs?
Hmmm…
Of course, a bucket! He’s milking a cow! Ikaw talaga, iba nasa isip!;-)

oOo

Pagkatapos ng matagumpay na
pagpapalaganap ng JEJEMONS,
na tinutulan ng DepEd

ipinanganak na ang papaLit sa kanila

ang “BEBEMONs”

(ayoto na teyo! indi na tita bate!
bleyk na tayo Gayet atu teyo!)

BABYTALK!

oOo

A cautious young man who, upon discovering that his girlfriend had forgotten to take the pill one night, gave her a tongue -lashing.:-D

oOo

MEN!
They sweep you
off your feet
then try to hand you
the BROOM!

oOo

Heaven is where the police are Brits, the chefs are French, the mechanics are Germans, the lovers Italians and it’s all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where the chefs are Brits, the mechanics are French, the cops Germans, the lovers’ Swiss, and it’s all organized by Italians!

oOo

The CBCP will appeal to President-apparent Noynoy not to retain Dr. Esperanza Cabral as health secretary. She drew the ire of the Catholic bishops when she insisted that “healing masses” have “NO THERAPEUTIC CLAIM APPROVED.”

oOo

New sex position: RODEO – Mount your wife from behind, lean over,cup her breasts & tell her that your secrtary’s breast is bigger that hers. See if u can stay for 8 seconds!
GO!

oOo

Sign above urinal:
If your hose is short and your pump is weak, better stand close or you’ll piss on your feet.

oOo

Manager: Why did u leave your former job?
Applicant: Illness.
Manager: What kind of illness?
Appilicant: I realy dont know. They just said they were sick & tired of me.

oOo

Man1: my wife suggested I take up a new sport this summer.
Man2: that’s nice. it shows she has your best interest at heart. did she make any suggestion?
Man1: as a matter of fact, she did! by the way, how do you play russian roulette?

oOo

Young woman went to a hospital for a checkup.
“Have you been X-rayed yet?” asked a doctor.
“Nope,” she said, “but ah have been ultra-VIOLATED.”

oOo

A young man left the priesthood after a year.
“Can you imagine,” he told a friend, ” the torture of giving up your sex life only to have people come into the confessional and tell you the highlights of theirs?”

oOo

For a man his friends are like his balls –
very close
constantly at hand
always hanging around
and doing nothing but without them he’s simply not a COMPLETE MAN!!!:-P

oOo

When her driver suddenly took ill, a wealthy widow visited him at the hospital. At the info desk, she announced, “I’ve come to see Mr. _ _ _ in room 211.”
“Are you his wife?” asked the clerk.
“Certainly not,” she replied arrogantly. “I’m his mistress.”:-)

oOo

Only thing this government hasn’t tax is the dick.
Because in its lifetime, it is 50% unemployed, 40% hard up and 10% in a hole. It has two dependents, but they’re nuts!

oOo

A mother took her daughter to the doc to determine the cause of her daughter’s swollen abs. It took the doc only 2 seconds to say “your daughter is pregnant.”

The mother was enraged and argued that her daughter was a good girl, etc..
The doc faced the window in deep thought.
Red with fury, the mother screamed, “Quit looking out and pay attention!”

Doc replies, “Ma’am, I’m paying attention. It’s just that the last time this happened, a star rose in the east and wise men came. I was hoping they’d show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!”

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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