SMS Jokes 103

A tribe of cannibals in Africa were converted to Christianity by a Catholic missionary.
Now on Fridays, they only eat fishermen!

oOo

Telling lies..
is a fault in a boy..
an art in a lover..
an accomplishment in a bachelor, and..
second nature in a married man!

oOo

First Ladies?
If Pres.- elect Noy requests it, Ballsy Aquino-Cruz says she and sisters Viel, Pinky, and Kris will take turns in playing the role of First Lady.
Meanwhile, Dr. Elenita Binay has reportedly rejected VP-elect Jojo’s request to have revolving Second Ladies.

oOo

A man was in a Turkish bath when he saw someone stole his clothes. He ran after d robber with only a hat for cover. As he turned a corner he bumped in2 2 girls who burst in2 laughter.
“If u were ladies,” he said angrily, u wouldn’t laugh in my circumstances.”
“And if u were a gent,” said one, “you’d raise ur hat.”

oOo

Most
interesting
line written on the front of a girl’s T-shirt,
Excuse me!
My face is above.

oOo

Fat matron drops coin in pay weighing scale, waited for a while, then a slip of paper came out with the message, “Sorry, Only One Customer A Time.”

oOo

Very important health advice for you…
Do not eat..
pizzas,
pasta,
congee,
noodles,
dimsum,
ice cream,
chocolates,
halo-halo..
Without inviting me!

oOo

Wife visiting husband in prison.
Husband: Why hasn’t your mother bothered to visit me?
Wife: She’s too busy spending the reward money she got for you.

oOo

Oral sex should be an Olympic sport because it’s harder than curling, and if you’re good at it, you deserve a medal.

oOo

An archaelogist is the best husband any woman can have…
the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

oOo

Long time ago, persons who sacrifice their spirit, their life, their identity, their wealth, their laughter were called saints.
Now they are called HUSBANDS.

oOo

A man came shouting!
“HELP! Emergency! My wife’s gonna give birth.”
He immediately entered car, lifted her dress, & started removing her panty, when he discovered she was NOT pregnant.
Wrong car!

oOo

An elementary class goes on a field trip to a police station.
A police officer points to the MOST WANTED MAN poster and tells them he’s the most wanted fugitive in the country.
A little boy asks, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

oOo

WIFE: I think our daughter is in love with someone.
Husband: How do you know?
Wife: Coz she doesn’t ask for pocket money these days!

oOo

A new supermarket opens..
When u pass d milk section, u hear cows mooing & u smell d scent of hay.In the meat section, u smell d aroma of roast beef.
When you go near the poultry section, u hear hens cluck & cackle, & the air is filled with scents of eggs benedict & omelettes.
I guess u won’t buy toilet paper in that place!

oOo

Let me share a bit of British humor with you:  On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across frm him in the compartment.
“You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me… in me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, & some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?”
The Englishman said, “Very sporting of your mother.”

oOo

Some facts in life:
When a wife lowers her voice. She wants something.
When she raises it, she didn’t get it!

oOo

Elderly couple in bed. Man was sleepy when wife said, “You used to hold my hands when we were young. Wearily old man held her hand and tried to sleep.
Again, wife said, “you used to kiss me.” Irritated, he gave her a peck on the cheek.
Still unsatisfied, wife said, “you used to bite my ears.” Angrily he got out of bed. Wife asked, “where are you going?”
“I have to get my teeth in the bathroom.”

oOo

A beautiful girl asks a lift from a man. On d way, she faints & he takes her to hospital.
Doctor says, “Congrats! You are going to become a father!”
MAN GOT TENSED.
Man says – Baby is not mine.
Girl says – He’s d father of my baby.

Man asks for & gets DNA test. Result says that he can never become a father.
MORE TENSION FOR HIM.
Anyhow he thanks God & return home. Then he thinks, “At home, I hav 2 kids. Whose are those?”
THAT’S REAL TENSION.

oOo

Man went to the butcher and bet him fifty bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
Butcher said, “No bets, the STEAKS are too high.”

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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