Pare1: Pare, nagawa mo na ba yung pinagawa ko sayo?
Pare2: Ah, ung “Last Supper?”
P1: Oo, naman. (ipinakita)
P2: Wow, ang ganda! Pero bakit 13 sila, di ba 12 lang?
P2: Weyter yang isa, para social!
Lalaki: Miss, pwede bang magtanong?
Babae: Ano yun?
Lalaki: Anong modelo ng celphone mo?
Babae: Nokia 5110.
Lalaki: Yuck! Hindi na uso yan. Sige, salamat… Syanga pala, snatcher ako!
Dalawang lasing napadpad sa sementeryo..
IGME: Pare, hik, hik, tingnan mo tong nakasulat sa puntod. Namatay sya na 150 years old. Hik.
TIBO: Hik! Tanda ng nga! Pare, baka kilala ko sya, anong pangalan? Hik!
IGME: Malabo mata ko, pare! Hik! Heto na, pare, ang nakasulat na pangalan.. “Kilometers to Manila.” Hik!
In court, a snatcher is on trial and the victim is narrating what happened.
The victim said “I saw him as clear as a day. I remember his face anywhere.”
The accused burst out, “You couldn’t see my face. I was wearing a mask!”
I was trying to call you kanina pa but your mobile phone is outside of the coverage area. Every time I dialed your number, the operator kept on saying, “Huwag mong pilitin, nasa CR pa!”
Lifeguard: Sir, di kayo dapat nag-urinate sa pool.
JUAN: ikaw nman, lahat nman urinate in d pool once in a while.
Lifeguard: Yes, but not from d diving board.
There was a little boy and a little girl having a bath. Suddenly, the little girl looked down at the boy and asked, “Can I touch it?”
“No way, you already broke yours off” replies the boy.
Employee: I’m sorry for being late. I overslept. I was having a dream about basketball.
Boss: And how did that make you late?!
Employee: Well, they went to overtime.
SEX QUIZ (True or False) expert ka dito:
1. clitoris: a type of flower
2. pubic hair: a kind of rabbit.
3. vulva: a swedish car
4. spread eagle: an extinct bird.
5. fallopian tube: a part inside a TV
6. vagina: a medical term describing a heart problem.
7. fellatio: an Italian dagger
Man: Ano pa gusto mo, 4 sa 5 bisyo ko inalis ko na, Shabu, Pag-inom, Pagsusugal at Pambabae!
Wife: Ano naiwan?
Boy: pede manligaw?
Girl: sure…wag lang saken!
A Pinoy immirant was talking with a Kano & he noticed that the Kano has a wind burnt lip. So the Pinoy asked.. “Hey bud, it’s beri cold eh? Even ur lips is changing leather.”
Rush hour.. sisikan sa bus at inalok ng lalaki na kandungin ang isang babae. Maya-maya..
L: Miss, tingin ko secretary ka, kasi kanina ka pa nagta-type sa may hita mo.
B: Oo, nakaugalian ko na kasi e.
E ikaw kung di ako nagkakamali, mekaniko ka ano?
L: Tama. Ba’t mo nahulaan.
B: Kasi kanina ko pa naramramdaman na ini-aangat ako ng jack mo.
Manny to Aling Dionesia:
“it flash to
my n0se tree
they buy dead
Aling D: Beri easy. Ede ekuals portin.
Pustahan tayo, babasahin mo ulit!!
ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE