SMS Jokes 108

Si Tikyo sumulat sa ABS-CBN:
Please lang tanggalin ninyo yun mga tumatakbong  messages sa baba ng TV screen sa oras ng balita.

Si Nanay kasi ang ingay,kinakanta niya; akala niya karaoke. Salamat po.

oOo

Man:Hello, Pegasus KTV? May I speak w/ d managr?
MGR: Speaking!
Man:Bukas ba kyo sa umaga?
Mgr: Sarado po sir, bakit po?
Man:Buksan nyo! Nandito pa ako sa loob!

oOo

Words to live by:
Do NOT argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.;-)

oOo

Boy: Miss, siguro kalamansi ang panlinis ng mukha mo?
Gal: Bakit kasi makinis ako?
Boy: Hindi, kasi parang naiwan pa ang mga buto!

oOo

Nasa McDo c Pacman at trip mgvalue meal:

Crew: Gud afternun sir. may i take ur order? pls choose.
Pacman: letter, letter..
Crew: what letter sir?
Pacman: sabi ko letter.. mamaya na lang.

oOo

Divorced couple arguing over son’s custody.

SHE: I gave birth to him so he’s mine!
HE: If I put a coin in a soda vending machine & a Coke comes out, is it mine or the machine?

oOo

Kustomer: Ang linis talaga ng restoram nyo?
Waiter: Salamat po. Paano nyo nahalata?
Kustomer: Lahat ng pagkain nyo lasang sabon.

oOo

Bata: l0la ingat p0 kay0, nangngangat h0 ang as0 dyan.
L0la: o0 alam k0, sa tanda k0ng it0 wala pa akong nakikitang as0ng nanununt0k.

oOo

Boy1″Pare, inom tayo.”
Boy2 “Bakit ba yang pareng Itoy mula ng iniwan ng asawa ay ayaw ng uminon?
Boy1 “Siempre dahil wala na siyang dahilan para uminom pa!”

oOo

More Idiot’s Guide To Sex:

1. Well-endowed is not a reference to the size of your bank account.
2. Karma sutra is not martial arts.
3. A 3some doesn’t mean letting the dog watch you use both hands.
4. A porn shop will not give you money for your used stuff.
5. If she says doggy style, don’t whip down to the S.P.C.A.
6. Doing missionary style does not mean you have sex in a church.

oOo

Q: How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
A: When the she has to chew it up to swallow it.

oOo

Q: What advice does a doctor give to a sick prostitute?
A: STAY OUT OF BED for a week.

oOo

Grabe, hidden plot vs Roxas:
lahat ng tumakbong presidente ay si Binay pala ang inindorso! Pag sama-samahin mo initials nila . . .

N – oynoy Aquino
E – rap Estrada
G – ibo Teodoro
R – ichard Gordon, and
O – thers.

oOo

PULIS: Nadakip na namin itong dala- wang nag rape sa iyo.
BIKTIMA:  Ikulong agad yung isa sir.
Hayop talaga!

PULIS:  Itong isa pa, anong gagawin nito?
BIKTIMA: Pakawa- lan nyo na. Ka-a- wa-awa. Mukhang sabik sa  Ina…

tomu- totoy pa!

oOo

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