SMS Jokes 109

Klase ng Bigas..
¤Ang maalsa- Laön.
¤Ang malambot-Sinandomeng.
¤Ang amoy bulak2- Jasmine.
¤Ang amoy laway-
Dinurado!

oOo

Gay Beauty Contest:
Host: Kung ikukumpara mo ang iyong ari sa hayop, anu ito?
Gay: dinosaur po.
Host: Bakit
Gay: Hindi na po nag-e-exist.

oOo

“i’m the happiest person in the world when I saw his face”
Sa tagalog: “ako ang pinakamaligayang tao sa mundo nung nilagare ko ang mukha nya!”

oOo

Baby James: Yaya, sinong may diprensya? Si mama o papa sa paghiwalay?
Yaya: Hindi ko alam, pero mgbihis ka at may pupuntahan tayo. Sila ang may alam.
Baby James:  Saan?
Yaya: kina Philip Salvador, Robin Padilla, Joey Marques, Mark Lapid.
Baby James: Sino sila?
Yaya: Sila ang nakaka intindi sa mama mo!

oOo

A newly married man asks his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
She sweetly replies, “I would have married you no matter who left you a fortune.”

oOo

3 contractors were asked to quote for repair of the Malacanang gate.
Indian Contractor: I’ll charge P900T– P500T for labor, P300T for material & P100T for me.
Vietnamese: I’ll charge P700T – P400T for labor, P200T for material & P100T for me.
Pinoy: I’ll charge P2.7 million!
Malacanang Official: Why so expensive?
Pinoy: P1M for me, P1M for you, & P700T for the Vietnamese to do the job!
Malacanang Official: You’re hired!

oOo

3 women in a gym. A man runs naked covering his face, looking between his legs.

Woman1: He’s not my husband.
Woman2: He is definitely not your husband.
Woman3: He is not even a member of the GYM.

oOo

A man relating how poor he was as a child: “I was so poor, that if I did not wake up with a hard-on, I have nothing to play with for the rest of the day.”

oOo

Aide: madame, ayaw daw po tumira ni noynoy sa malacañang..
Gma: bakit kaya, takot sya sa multo ni marcos?
Aide: hindi madame, sa tyanak daw!

oOo

“When my sugar daddy dies,” confided Nadine to Jill, “I inherit the lot. It’s in his last will and testicles.”
“You mean testament,” chuckled Jill.
“No,testicles…” said Nadine, “I’ve got him by the balls.”

oOo

MEDIA: Noy, why change d palace furnitures? at taxpayer’s expense!
NOY: paano naman, how can I fit into a high chair? Pee into a pot, and  sleep on a crib?!

oOo

LIBOG..

Alam nyo ito sa Tagalog. Pero sa ibang Visayan dialects ang LIBOG ay PAGKALITO.
00! Kaya kung may babaeng Bisaya at sinabi nya sayong nalilibugan sya, HUWAG na HUWAG mong hawakan ang dede at puday nya! Masasampal ka!

oOo

Sa isang health class:

Titser: Ricardo, paano malalaman na maganda sa mata ang carrots?!
Ricardo: Eh, mam, may nakita na po ba kayong kuneho na nakasalamin?

oOo

Pare1: Ganda ng pinsan mo, Pare, pwede ko bang syang ligawan?
Pare2: Ganun? Wag na lang ung pinsan ko..
ung pinsan na lang nya, sigurado type ka nun..
Pare1: Sino?
Pare2: Ako, Pare! Love you, pakiss nga!

oOo

While on LRT.
Boy: I hate it when I see a girl standing in the LRTwhile I’m comfortably seated.
Gal: So what did you do?
Boy: I just close my eyes.

oOo

Babae: Doc ano ppiliin ko? Gwapo o Pangit?
Doctor: Ikaw. ano b tlaga gusto mo, sa gwapo na sasaktan kalang or sa pangit  sasakit lng naman mga mata mo?

oOo

3 characteristics of a dick

A. Courteous: it stands before performing.
B. Emotional: it cries during performance.
C. Polite: it bows down after performance.:P

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike

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