SMS Jokes 110

Lolo at Lola naghati ng Big Mac. Lolo kain pero nuod lang ang Lola.
Crew: Bakit nyo pa hinati?
Lolo: 50-50 kami.
Crew: Lola, bakit hindi pa kayo kumain?
Lola: Gamit pa nya pustiso ko!

oOo

Son: Dad, macho na ba ako? May tatoo na ako sa dibdib!
Dad: Agila ba o Dragon?
Anak: Ah… eh… Hello Kitty!

oOo

NURSE: Doc, bakit kelangan naka gloves habang nag-oopera?
DOCTOR: Importante talaga yan para kung sakaling mamatay ang pasyente, walang fingrprints na makikita.

oOo

REPORTER: Sir, can you comment on P-Noy’s smoking habit, considering that smoking is dangerous to one’s health?
VP BINAY: I’m always supportive of him and I think he should continue smoking 5 packs or more.

oOo

Warden: (to prisoner about to be electrocuted) Have you any last word?
Prisoner: Yeah, I would like to offer my seat to the lady reporter present.

oOo

Motto ng isang motel…
It’s not how short or how long your stay was..
What matters most is…
You came.

oOo

A man walks into a bar & says to a woman, “Do you want to sit on my face?”
“Why is your nose,” she asks,”bigger than your dick?”

oOo

A man comes home to find his wife in the bathroom blow-drying her pussy..
HE: “What the hell are you doing?”
SHE: “Heating up dinner!”

oOo

Jinggoy: Dad, ano laman ng SONA?
ERAP: Ang hina mo naman, anak! Ano pa e di mga masahista!

oOo

Sign on the door of a whorehouse:

BEAT IT…
We’re closed.

oOo

11 people were hanging on a rope from a helicopter. 10 men & a woman. Rope was not strong enough for 11, one had to go.

They couldn’t decide who. Woman gives a speech saying she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she’s used to always making sacrifices for her husband & kids. All the men clapped their hands.

oOo

I asked God for water, He gave me a river. I asked for light and He gave me the sun. I asked for a friend and He gave you.
I asked why and He said, “Akala ko naghahanap ka ng mauutangan.”

oOo

All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE

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