Lolo at Lola naghati ng Big Mac. Lolo kain pero nuod lang ang Lola.
Crew: Bakit nyo pa hinati?
Lolo: 50-50 kami.
Crew: Lola, bakit hindi pa kayo kumain?
Lola: Gamit pa nya pustiso ko!
Son: Dad, macho na ba ako? May tatoo na ako sa dibdib!
Dad: Agila ba o Dragon?
Anak: Ah… eh… Hello Kitty!
NURSE: Doc, bakit kelangan naka gloves habang nag-oopera?
DOCTOR: Importante talaga yan para kung sakaling mamatay ang pasyente, walang fingrprints na makikita.
REPORTER: Sir, can you comment on P-Noy’s smoking habit, considering that smoking is dangerous to one’s health?
VP BINAY: I’m always supportive of him and I think he should continue smoking 5 packs or more.
Warden: (to prisoner about to be electrocuted) Have you any last word?
Prisoner: Yeah, I would like to offer my seat to the lady reporter present.
Motto ng isang motel…
It’s not how short or how long your stay was..
What matters most is…
A man walks into a bar & says to a woman, “Do you want to sit on my face?”
“Why is your nose,” she asks,”bigger than your dick?”
A man comes home to find his wife in the bathroom blow-drying her pussy..
HE: “What the hell are you doing?”
SHE: “Heating up dinner!”
Jinggoy: Dad, ano laman ng SONA?
ERAP: Ang hina mo naman, anak! Ano pa e di mga masahista!
Sign on the door of a whorehouse:
11 people were hanging on a rope from a helicopter. 10 men & a woman. Rope was not strong enough for 11, one had to go.
They couldn’t decide who. Woman gives a speech saying she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she’s used to always making sacrifices for her husband & kids. All the men clapped their hands.
I asked God for water, He gave me a river. I asked for light and He gave me the sun. I asked for a friend and He gave you.
I asked why and He said, “Akala ko naghahanap ka ng mauutangan.”
All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE